SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:45pm
So I should expect my husband to support me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 8:46pm
Hey you made the statement and you CANNOT back it up, don't go to being sarcastic because you can't answer a direct question that will dig you into a whole you don't want to be in LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:06pm
No dear, not bull. Yes, I sit and play with my kids but games don't take hours on end by any means. Dd is home with a broken arm. I'm spending more time than ever just playing with her and it still doesn't add up to hours a day. Have you ever studied human interactions? It's eye opening. I used to think studies that said things like the average married couple only talks something like 10 minutes a day as being wrong but they're not. There are a lot of pauses in our conversations and many of them are very short.

So where's the flaw in my argument? As I said, I'm boringly average. I worked with my real boringly average numbers to show that it simply is not a stretch to come up with only a small difference. Do tell where the flaws are in my argument?


Edited 6/2/2004 9:13 pm ET ET by grimalkinskeeper

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:07pm
LOL, whatever. You're the exception, lol. Have it your way. And no, average is average not something I make up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:08pm
I agree. They should be regardless of working status. I find it sad that someone would tout as an advantage of SAH that their dh doesn't have to do them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:09pm
LOL, no, it's kind of hard to miss. He'd rather work two jobs and not be home than solo with the kids. Got it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:16pm

No you still dont get it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:20pm
I think it is odd that you can't for the life of you fathom that a mother plays dolls, barbies, house, colors, draws with her child for far beyond anything measley like an hour per day on a daily basis. That she involves her dd in the daily cooking routine, gardening, or whatever so they have that time and she is teaching her dd something valuable.

I know all mothers don't, whether they woh or sah. But I don't think you are really giving the mothers out there credit for spending time and raising their children.

With dh's work he even gets to spend time in the floor playing these things with her. Going to the park, having tea parties. An hour a day? An hour a day only for me to do these things with dd would be like when I'm sick or she is sick and we can't have any more time than that. Same goes for dh.

I know you can't comprehend parents who actually parent their children in this way because you don't and the studies say not. But fact is fact grimlin, get over it, you are not right, you are W-R-O-N-G...but I'm sure you know that, just can't admit it lol

Maybe you don't spend time with your dds this way. Maybe your dh doesn't with his kids. But to think that because what is normal in your house is actually what others consider normal raising of their kids is obnoxious at best even for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:22pm
Well, he'd be missing a few meetings that took time to set up and could possibly be losing that potential business because he's out.

My point is that there's no NEED (with me home a couple days a week) for him to take time off work to stay home with sick kids or take them to doctor appointments. If HE's sick, on the other hand, of COURSE there's a need for him to stay home. But why should he take time off when the kids are sick when I'm capable and available to do it myself? Do you believe that's the only way he can be an involved father?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:25pm

Trust me hon...I would love to have some just me time.

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