SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:26pm
That's YOUR connotation, not mine. And that's not how I meant it.

Is it your belief that the only way a father can be involved in his kids' lives is to miss work to take them to doctors' appointments when they're sick? Please say it ain't so. But if it IS, maybe I'll ask DH to do it and I'll go get a manicure while he's busy missing work and being "involved" in the only way that could possibly matter.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:27pm
<<>>> It does with some kids. my youngest would watch and wait for our eyes to shift, and he was outta there. more than i care to remember. he worked us over, and i was thrilled the day he started nursery school. he was a pistol!! LOL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:28pm
Your games. Do you ever spend just 2 hours in the floor endlessly playing barbies with your dds? I do all the time. It isn't just a once a week thing. Dh does it as well.

How long do you spend playing a game with your dd at one setting? Just 10 min, just 30? We can easily sit for an hour just doing that one thing and it is by far not the only thing we do with her during one day.

Do you read to your kids a minimum of 30 min in the morning and 30 again somewhere else in the day before bedtime? Dh & I do it, individually with dd or together as a family.

Do you play tea party, let her help you bake & decorate cupcakes for dinner, let her help you make the salad, take her to the park and play with her (not sit and watch her, interact as in swing, laugh, play, etc) for an hour?

Maybe you don't. That is fine if that isn't for you as a parent. But to sit there & type on your keyboard that you obnoxiously don't think other parents do this, well, you are wrong.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:29pm
Poppycock. My kids will remember DH taking them to the beach, to the movies, to Home Depot and cheering at their sports functions.

I personally don't WANT my kids to remember either us taking them to get shots at the doctor or forcing them to shop for clothes they couldn't care less about. He DOES come to school activities. I'm sure they'll remember that too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:37pm
When did I ever say that???? I'd like you to point that post out to me. Maybe you have me confused with CLW. She's the one who thinks taht dads should take thier kids to the dr as a way of being involved, not me. I simply said that if someone misses work, that doesn't necessarily mean they are screwing their employer. That's what you posted. That's what I I take offense to.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 9:52pm
Nope. Again, it is a decision that both you and your DH have to decide on *together*. If you disagree and it is a dealbreaker, then each of you have to face the consequences of each of your decisions.

If sah is important to you but not your partner, you have to decide if your partnership is more important to you than you being a sahp. A few (not many) women have divorced their husbands over this issue. They are now sahp and live off of savings, welfare and/or child support.


Janet

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:12pm
i disagree completely. I think it depends on the type of career. I was only teaching for 2 years when i had ds...and have since built up a 14 YEAR career. In fact, just two years ago i changed grade levels and accepted a promotion to a team leader position.

there is PLENTY of time both weekdays, weekends, holidays and vacations.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:25pm
Thank you, this is the argument I have been trying to make to Grimal...all day, that a husband and wife can make the decision that is best suited to their family, not all men are "forced" to "bear the burden" of supporting their family...some choose to do so willingly, happily.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 10:47pm

let me rephrase for her.... a TECH career (or probaly a medical or lawyer career).

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 11:06pm

I'm curious and this is not to be directed just at you but also fsw...I understand you not wanting to use daycare and respect that as we all have our own reasons and that's not my question, just a disclaimer.

PumpkinAngel

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