SAHM's place in a household
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| Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm |
They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.
This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.
So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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When my husband is up (he sleeps days since he works nights) he does these things while I throw some fries & burgers in the oven, throw in a load or two of laundry, sweep the floor quickly, and make up the bed. A good 30 minutes.
We all eat, baby in high chair between us. Baby goes to bed. Husband & I shower & curl up for an evening just for the 2 of us until he goes to work. Minimum 4 hours quality hubby & wife time and that is just M-F.
He walks out the door to go to work & that is the first time I've done anything other than take care of my baby, spend time with my hubby or spent time at the office for other than say 30min. While I'm at the office my mil is at the house doing these things with her grandbaby.
This is how we are choosing to live.
If you only want to spend an hour whether you are home or a working mother in actual one on one contact that is your perogative. If you want to believe reports that state this information to back up your claims, you go for it. But don't tell me that I don't live this way because I chose to live this way when I know I do.
The weekends when we are both off work the time is spent together with the baby. When the baby is napping we cuddle up and spend some quality husband & wife time together with the baby right there.
Dh & I took a few vacation days over the holiday weekend & until he walked out the door 10 minutes ago we have spent every day this way.
Maybe you should look beyond your small window in the world & realize there are various styles of people out there living lives that don't even come close to comparison with any idea you have about your life & those of others, whether they be real people or those used to conduct a report.
My mil takes care of our baby when I'm at work. The one time I got sick with strep, she came in to take care of the baby.
Granted, I'm fortunate that I love her as my own mother, she is available & willing to help me.
We like to never had a baby and decided if and when we ever did I'd quit work before we would use a form of daycare or childcare outside of grandparent, sibling, or one of us.
Experiencing daycare as a child, while not unpleasant, is just not something we chose to do in raising our children.
I've read the posts you have written & it is apparent & insightful you have a strong, loving, caring marriage from the way you have expressed yourself.
I only woh pt but I basically do no housework, neither does dh. We both decided when we became parents to hire that out. I'm sure she has a strong opinion on that one.
He wants no help supporting his wife & baby. He isn't too prideful that if we had to have my income or even me to go back to ft woh that we wouldn't use my source. But as long as he can, he will do it all on his own, by his own decision on that. He even plays for the weekly cleaning lady.
I'm sure this poster would find that truly appalling and distasteful & perhaps somehow unfair. But you know, it was my dh's idea, not mine. We then both agreed to it as spouses.
And, we haven't had any emergencies yet, but I believe we'd be taking our kids to the "emergency" room, not to the doctor's office should one occur.
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Oh, don't be sad for me or my kids. My husband gets home between 2 and 5 every day but Wednesdays and travels for 2 days ONCE a year. Adding one well-visit to the doctor per year would hardly make a difference.
I find it hysterical that you think it's fine and dandy to be gone 40+ hours a week, yet tout the utmost importance of attending one doctor's appointment. Ya think maybe your both WOH has something to do with that?
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