SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:27am

Disparity in time making a difference is your own little invention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:28am
Nope, you're just off in left field
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:29am
Yes, it does depend on the career. I'm thinking of careers where mom SAH is necessitated by dads choice here. That implies lots of hours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:31am
Yes. While there are kid friendly careers, many more are not. You aren't going to build a career where I work without doing time. I had 7 years in when I had dd and still damaged my career track by having her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:34am
As a general rule, half hour tops before dd is off to the next activity. Children can and should play by themselves and with each other. Yes, I often play games with my kids but that's not hours per day. Not even close. I would consider something wrong if I did. Right now, we're up there but dd is on the mend and bored. Normally, she'd be playing with her friends or coloring or playing computer games or whatever most of her day. I don't find it necessary to hover over my kids an entertain them all day long. In fact, I would consider it a problem if I did.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:38am
No, lol. It's just simple math. If one parent is there all the time and the other gone 50 hours a week, one is primary and the other secondary. Hence the dad with the SAHW has more need to spend time with his kids when he gets home and no need to spend time getting to know the vaccuum cleaner. Dad needs to be the primary parent when he gets home. Mom can finish her housework while dad has his time with the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:42am
Nope. No need for both to go to every one but doctors appointments and field trips are things my kids know that both of their parents care enough about to do. Rarely will we both go. We'll both go next Wednesday when we find out if dd has to have another operation but this is serious since she broke one of her growth rings. Normally either of us would take her. Either of us will stay home with a sick child too. There is, however, no need for both of us to be here at the same time. One can go to work while the other takes care of the kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 5:51am

Yeah.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:02am
No. When one party gives for the other, you're in trouble it that goes unappreciated. There's something wrong if one party just expects the other to do what they want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:04am
LOL, and that's supposed to stop me from reading???? I can read. I know what she wrote. Her dh is choosing to spend less time with the kids rather than solo with them. That's his choice and yes I find it sad.

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