SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:14am

I'm trying very hard not to be insulted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:14am
You've obviously never played UNO or Crazy 8's. Both games can easily become marathons. We used to love both games when we went to the field; it was great entertainment when we weren't working pos.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:18am

Thank you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:18am
How is that screwing the company?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:41am
In a marriage, I know it is this way in our marriage, the husband and wife give to each other constantly every day. There is never any unappreciation in my experience in 14 years.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:42am
I didn't think you had an actual answer. Thanks for proving my point.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:44am
Naturally you would consider it something wrong because you don't want to parent or wife like others do. That doesn't make us wrong and you right. It is just how we have chosen to live as married couples and how we chose to parent our dd. It isn't called hovering. It is called parenting. Big fat difference! Sure you would consider it a problem, a problem that you actually had to parent in a different manner from a study and your own little mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:45am
I find it sad you can't read the truth. Oh well. I'm beginning to realize you don't want to see the truth but live in the whims of your own fantasy of how life should be for not only you but every one else on the planet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 6:47am
Or obviously played with a dd who wants to play house, dolls, barbies endlessly with Mommy playing. 15 minutes, geesh, can't even get barbie dressed & in her car in that amount of time after you pull the toys out lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 7:00am
Yes, plus, there's little free time sah to do housework. With a newborn at home, there are some days when it's tough to get to the bathroom! So, I don't agree that sahms have more free time than wohms.

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