SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 7:41am
Didn't you say elsewhere that the difference in time between a SAHP and a WOHP averages out to be something like 45 minutes? How did it now become 50 hours?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 7:43am
So in otherwords, since you sah but would rather not, you aren't going to do the things to contribute to the family that could reasonably be expected from your time at home. Is this the same thing as the Mom who woh, but would rather not, and so keeps all of her disposable income earned, to herself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 7:46am
No, it means that you would have to find someway to a)support yourself b)contribute to the support of the offspring you helped create. Generally, working would be a good way to go. Criminal activity is the other option that comes to mind.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 7:50am
My parents sent us to the store to buy smokes. Now I remember specifically when this started...and I wasn't 5 or 6. I was 7. My sister was 6. It started when we moved somewhere so close to a corner store...that it was feasible. Back in the day, it was perfectly common practice to send kids to stores for smokes. Now, here it isn't even LEGAL. Is it legal for minors to buy smokes where you live? Anyway, can't remember my dcp ever sending me for smokes...hmm. So clearly...its parents at home that provide the host of negatives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:00am
If you are talking about specific circumstances (infant, or infant and toddler in the house) then maybe not. But when you are talking about both groups as a whole then SAHM generally do have more down time. Infancy is only a small part of a childs life. Yes, when I had an infant and a toddler it was hard to get down time but as they grew up it became easier.

Also don't forget that WOHM's also have the same child issues as SAHM's. Do you think that a WOHM who has an infant and toddler to get up and dressed in the morning, a 15 minute commute (during which there is a daycare stop) an half an hour lunch break, the same 15 minute commute (again with daycare stop). Who then comes home to taking care of that infant and toddler is getting much down time. Unless she has a real skate job, not likely.

The age of the children has much more to do with how much downtime a parents gets then work status. A parent with school age children has more down time then a parent with infant/toddlers no matter what their work status.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:07am

so, your point is?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:23am
I don't think that she sees much importance in couple time. It is all about the kids and not about the person you made a vow to spend your life with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:24am
Not the ones you posted to, but I'll answer anyway. I deal. My dh doesn't travel much, but he has a job that is so overwhelmingly stressful that, while he'd stay home if I asked him to, the additional stress on him for missing work would outweigh any benefit to me of having him there. Both times I've had a stomach virus since ds was born, I sent dh to work...I knew that I'd feel so bad knowing the stress he would be feeling, that it was easier just to have him go. Is it fun? Absolutely not. It's miserable. But you just do it.

Edited to add: I do have my parents in town, but they're in their late 70s, and I usually choose not to expose them to whatever I have.


Edited 6/3/2004 8:25 am ET ET by pjp2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:27am

Well,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 8:39am

Unfortunatly Op123 Im not kidding.

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