SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:12pm

That's exactly what my DCP does. At 4:00 the kids are brought in from the outside play area and put into their giant indoor playroom.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:13pm
Mommy of a 2yo here who agrees!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:13pm
No, schedualed activities that are exceptions to daily routine do not fill the role of daycare. Outside activities fill the same role for sah kids, as they do for daycare kids.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:25pm
*I'm* not the one making social policies for these companies - I am just pointing out that they most assuredly do exist.

Going to work sick is not in anyone's best interest - not the employee or the company. A perfectly healthy person taking a day off to care for a sick child falls in a much greyer area - especially if the person has a SAH spouse that can do that "job" instead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:27pm

I think "screwed" was a bad choice of words, but often times it does put the boss or other co-workers into a position of "covering" for the one who is missing work that day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:29pm

I would have LOVED for dh to come home the time dd fell and smashed her face.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:29pm
apparently

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:30pm
Either a SAHP spends more time with his/her kids or they don't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:32pm
That's nice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 12:35pm
"A load of laundry at night after the kids are asleep - and voila! it's done."

See, this is where I have to say that individual circumstances vary wildly. People keep assuming about things like laundry that everyone lives in a house with a washing machine and dryer that is easily accessible. Switzerland was absolutely nightmare for doing laundry. In Switzerland, most people live in apartment buildings with very strict regulations on laundry: you get 4 days per month (usually 2 days every two weeks or so) to do laundry and no machine can be run after 8pm. We were lucky, we could actually do laundry whenever the machine was free, but we were still forbidden to run the machine after 8pm. I don't actually know how people managed with kids with the stomach flu in general...though I do remember one friend who was so overwhelmed by thrown-up on sheets, pillows and clothing that she beg a neighbor to switch a day with her (the neighbor grudgingly agreed and received a big box of chocolates for the favor).

Laura

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