SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:14pm
Yeah, I've heard all that before. Seems you've repeated it so often, you've actually memorized it.

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Well, on the days I work, I don't take my kids to school or shopping with me. We interact for more than a few minutes in the car, while we're getting ready, while eating breakfast. We interact the ENTIRE time I'm at the grocery store with them...usually over an hour. We interact while we play baseball, soccer and board games.

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Like I said, of course you'll get those results if you perform the study over 18 YEARS. How about a short-term study of pre school-aged kids? I DO spend more time interacting with my kids on the days I'm home. Short of leaving the house or locking myself in the closet, there's no way I couldn't.

I'm not speculating about 10 years from now.

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:15pm
The point I was trying to make is that housecleaning is really a very little part of what it takes to mainitain a household. Regardless of who does the housecleaning.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:16pm
Do you act like you are better than absolutely everyone IRL, or only on message boards?
Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:18pm
So what if it impacts the child's idea of what a father is or does? Everything you do as a parent impacts what a child thinks of parental roles. That doesn't make it necessary for 2 parents to attend every single thing that occurs in a child's life.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:18pm

Im sorry that you were insulted.

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Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:20pm
But those were emergencies or large events. You simply do not need 2 parents at every checkup. Dh doesn't go to my kids checkups but when we went to the ped endocrinologist he came. There is a difference. If I called dh and told him that one of the kids had a broken bone you can be damned sure he would get to the hospital. But he just doesn't need to be there for every cough, ear infection, and checkup.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:21pm
If you want to argue with yourself, please create a second username for yourself and argue with that. Leave mine alone.

Thanks.

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:25pm
So because my DH doesn't attend doctor appointments, my kids think he doesn't care? You are completely out of your flippin' mind.

What difference does it make as long as ONE OF US is taking them?

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Um, yeah, one of us can go to work while the other takes care of the kids too. Should I ask DH to take off for a doctor's appointment and go get my nails done? If there "no need for both of us" to be there, what do you suggest I do in the meantime?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:26pm
No I consider it wrong because kids need time to play by themselves without mom directing.
Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 1:29pm
I agree.

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Am I crazy? Or is that just common sense?

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