SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:03pm
I was speaking specifically of the case of young children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:04pm
"I'd quit work before we would use a form of daycare or childcare outside of grandparent, sibling, or one of us."

Not everyone has that option. Some people don't have family around that are able and/or willing to help. The mortgage still has to get paid, food needs to be provided, and health insurance needs to be paid for. Many families are unable to do that on one income, and are unable to quit work just because a family member can not provide child care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:07pm
#1 DD does play by herself plenty every day #2 I'm not directing, I'm interacting, often taking the lead from her of how she wants her dolls, her barbies, or her tea party ran.

Gee, do you not know anything about parenting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:08pm
No, in the case of laundry we are assuming that an in-home washer and dryer are commonplace for most participants in this debate.

My husbands grandmother in Europe has no on-site laundry facilities. They use the sink and the bathtub. Incredibly she managed to run the house and look after him while his Mom worked. I suspect where laundry facilities are scarce a good deal of handwashing still occurs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:09pm

Judging from the number of kids:DH leaves ratio you have, I'd say your definitely making "time" for your marriage ;) ;)


Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:09pm

Please stop imposing your own personal feelings onto everyone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:09pm
You don't have to direct to play dolls with your dd. Do you not know how to pretend with them? Do you not know how to take direction from them & let them be in charge?

Oh I forgot, it is grimlin we are talking to here lol


My dd is independent, wants to do things for herself as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2000
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:10pm

What?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:10pm
DUH, you don't have to direct your dd in order to play with her. NEWS for you!

Or do you think you have to be in charge if you are in the room?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:12pm
Then we greatly disagree on parenting! There is plenty of independent free play time as well. I'm an adult and a mother, but I see the importance of playing with dd and interacting with her. She does develop her own interests and directs the play herself.

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