SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:12pm
Thank you, Misty. That's exactly what I believe. nt
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:13pm
Marriage is high priority & is always on the front burner!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:14pm

As if I didn't know fathers are important.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:14pm

LMAO........We joke that if he was home for more than 2 months off sea duty that I was pg again.

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Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:14pm
I'd rather use those days off for things that DH needs or WANTS to be there for. Surgery? Hell yes. Father's Day at school? Yup.

A once-a-year well visit? Sorry, no.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:14pm
I've seen them and they can be very practical, but keep in mind that an average load in a European washer takes at least 1.5 hours to run. The dryer takes 1-1.5 hours as well so one load would run about 3 hours or so...10 loads would be 30 hours per week, yikes! Our kitchen was so small that it was either a dishwasher or a washing machine (we were in a 600 sq foot apartment). Since we both have a phobia of hand washing dishes, the dishwasher won the spot :-).


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:16pm
Yes, Thankfully we don't all live or want to live anything like this grimlin woman!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:17pm
My husband and I are raising our kids. Various others help. Part of raising the children involves allowing them access to the benefits of dc, among other environments and people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:18pm

I could be totally off base here, but I think there is a philosophical difference here.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:19pm
It may be hopelessly stupid and childish of me, but Legos will keep me entertained to my dying day....must be genetic since we all seem to share that fascination with Legos.


Laura

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