SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:20pm

All I can say is.... WHAT A MAN!!! LOL.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:22pm
In your post: I think that having an attitude about who owes who destroys marriages. It becomes a competition, not a partnership.

I agree & you would think this had already been discovered :0)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:22pm
So basically, according to some here, I, as a SAHM must make sure to do 110% of the housework because I don't bring in a paycheck, and I wouldn't want to burden my dh, but at the same time not let my kids think that housework is only a woman's job?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:23pm
A very long time ago it was entirely appropraite for a dayhome provider, or a parent, to send a child to buy cigarettes. And both did it. Now it is inappropriate either way and in my case, outright illegal for a child to purchase cigarettes.

Back in the day...a dcp could also drive kids around and not bother to use seat belts or child restraints. I was driven hundreds of miles to our new home, and my travel bed was a laundry basket in the back of a station wagon. My parents did that. Are you saying therefore that parents ought not be trusted with the right to drive their kids around in cars, because back in the day, many of them didn't even use seatbelts or child seats? How inappropriate can you get.

You have to correct for time and place. Or you have no point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:23pm
Oh man.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:23pm
I love legos, I play them w/ ds all the time.
Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:24pm
<> People get dumped on in a debate board. We've all had our share of being dumpees. And if someone disagrees with subswife, then they have every right to question her. It has nothing to do with "being fair."

<> Okay, I don't get your thinking here. He is their parent. What is so bad about him coming home from work and dealing with the kids? He and his DW are switching roles in the evening. Why is that so bad? It's not what I would want, but I also would not want my DH working two jobs just so he didn't have to handle *his* kids ALONE at night. *She* can handle them ALONE all day long, why can't he handle them ALONE for a few hours in the evening?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:26pm
The point, as you know, and as I specifically said, is that a child requires 0 parents at many of these things. Forget 2.

The child benefits from seeing both parents attend to these things in turn, rather than the same parent do it every time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:26pm
Right. When 3 fully cooked meals have been put on the table, the house is clean, and the trash is taken out I don't think it is a big deal, neither does my dh, that he throw in a load of laundry and clean off the grill as he is fixing our nightly wine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:27pm

LOL... I know.

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