SAHM's place in a household

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
SAHM's place in a household
929
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 4:17pm
At the last playgroup meeting I went to, all sahm, the conversation turned to how much everyone did in their house. More to the point everyone started talking about one of the members that wasn't in attendance that day. Apparantly her dh does 50% of the household chores and everyone else was basically saying how lazy she was. The rest gave examples of how they did "everything" in the house down to mowing the lawn and taking out the trash and the main concensus was "what does she do all day", and "her poor dh". They also lamenated how their dh's didn't know how to bathe the children, how they would forget to feed the kids dinner on the rare event they were out and dh was watching the kids, and how the dh's didn't know how to go out with the kids (like grocery shopping).

They don't know me well enough and I just listened but I only do 60% of the housework and almost no cooking. My dh does almost all the shopping and takes the preschooler and baby and he likes to cook. He also works a job and earns a 6 figure salary occasionally doing overtime. He does all lawn and garbarge stuff. He also bathes both the kids. I do everything else plus the bills and if we have problems with anyone about anything my dh likes me to handle it since I can pit-bull anyone and calling the attorney general or the BBB is something I am familar with. I only mention it because these women did say their dh's were the ones to take care of business conflicts and the bills.

This got me thinking what do people consider a sahm role in the house to be? Obviously these women think in order to stay home and do your share, perhaps to make up for not bringing home a pay check, you do almost everything and if you don't you are obviously lazy. I have always thought of sahm as being more for the kids and me. My main concern is doing things with my kids as a family and showing them a good/educational time with their environment. It's really not to make my dh's life easier nor mine but if it happens anyway great. My dh married me for the person I am, not for what I could do to make his life easier. He would never think of degrading me nor threatening me over houswork which is one thing that alot of women in my playgroup said their dh's did.

So what is a sahm role or job duties in your personal opinion? Do you feel a person staying home should have to do more in order for it to be "fair" to the person working?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:35pm
DD does the same with me! She'll lead me by the hand and say "Mommy, sit right HERE!" pointing to a specific spot on the floor. She'll then proceed to play by herself while I set there...... LOL.

Mondo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:36pm
Well *I* think it does...and that is exactly what makes *me* think the whole single income thing has far too many downsides to make it a particularily attractive life option.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:37pm
Behaviour like that at 5, doesn't describe *active*. It describes something else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:38pm

Its ok that someone wants to debate this items.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:39pm
Yes, because dh works doesn't mean he doesn't sit up at nights w/her when she is ill, change her diapers, help constantly & consistently with discipline, potty training, bathing, feeding her. These are just a few of the things he does every day, several times a day at that plus plays with her, reads to her, snuggles & cuddles his darling dd, taking her for walks and to play at the park.

I'm not worried about stereotyping. I do the majority of the house work but over the next 16 years she will be seeing her dad do everything from cooking to cleaning toilets to marketing and sorting laundry.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:39pm
Who said I am not going to contribute at all or do things that could be reasonably expected of me? I am simply not going to be doing 100% of the housecleaning. I do a whole slew of other things. I just don't like to clean.

Jenna

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:40pm
Isn't it just the most precious time! To watch them form as little people, the cute things they do & say, to just observe them! One of the benefits of parenthood dh & I always say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:42pm
I will never feel guilty & dh would not like me feeling guilty about what he does in this house & yard! I do by far the majority, but he does the rest and that is how we see it in our marriage.

Other than I like to clean, I fully agree with your whole post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:44pm
Well how does your husband earn 110% of the income while at the same time not allowing the kids to think that supporting a family is only a man's job. Does he prefer to enlist your help on the earnings front once in a while?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Thu, 06-03-2004 - 2:46pm

ITA about choices in husbands! But, I think that's because when my Dad died at 10, my Mom had to go back to work with a vengeance.

Mondo

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