SAHMs Vs. Working Moms

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2010
SAHMs Vs. Working Moms
522
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 2:16pm

SAHM, in case you don't know = Stay At Home Mom

I've always been kind of objective about SAHM vs. Working Mom.... because I'm a woman and I know how hard it is to have kids. But, I've recently kind of become irritated with the SAHM side...

Now, I know not all SAHMs are like this. But many are. I'm not really sure if a majority are like this. Maybe it's just a small majority of them. I hate to clump people together, but this really made it hard for me.

I was watching Dr. Phil last night because honestly there was nothing else on. I don't normally watch his shows, but I found this one interesting.

Here's the case, and I see this many times from SAHMs in my experiences talking to other moms online.

She stays home all day and struggles taking care of the kids. She cooks and cleans. Her husband comes home, and he begins to whine when the house is dirty (dusty, smudges on mirrors, little things like that). There was a girl on there basically crying saying she has no down-time for herself. While her baby is napping she is sitting there on edge waiting for her baby to wake up & getting ready to meet its needs.

OK, makes sense. Being a SAHM is not an easy job. You'll be running your tush off doing everything that needs to get done. BUT, I DO feel that when your husband comes home, that things should be clean. Cleaning a smudge off a mirror takes what, 2 minutes? Dusting takes what, 10-15 mins? You can't squeeze that in?

I WORK, I go to school... Our apartment does look trashed during the week but on the weekends while my hubby is at work I clean the apartment. It takes me about an hour to do. I would figure in a full size home it'd take 2 times that, so 2 hours. That's your child's nap time. During the week I do laundry, I cook, I do general hygiene cleaning like dishes.

Before your hubby gets home you can take 10 mins and make sure everything is clean. I know this sounds really old fashioned and sexist, but it just angers me when SAHMs act like they can't do everything in the home themselves. I would LOVE to stay home and take care of Bella all day, bake and clean, take her to the park, go shopping... But I can't because I'm the breadwinner in our family. I have to work.

Seriously, I just wish some of these women who complain about being a SAHM and being so busy and not being able to cope would switch sides with me. Yes, I get a lot of help from my husband BUT I am still extremely busy. I go to school and I work and I care for our child all at the same time. I take her to work with me. I come home and clean (dishes, toilet, etc--basically hygiene stuff--deep cleaning happens on weekends), I cook, I do laundry, etc. I go grocery shopping after a 9 hr. It's hard, really super hard. Sometimes I feel like just giving up, but I can't. I have to work through it.

I know that being a SAHM is not easy work. It's very hard, too. But if your husband is working, he's working hard too. I don't think you should go out of your way to please him and I don't think you should do it FOR him, but I do think it's part of your job to clean your home. What about housecleaners? They clean all day long for a living.... and many of them have homes of their own.

You put your kids in extracurriculars so you have to ship them back and forth in your car. I heard one woman on the show say "Oh it's hard work watching a kids baseball game in the cold." Oh please. Try running your ass off in a hospital all day meeting patients' demands and then after you've been on your feet all day you can go to the store and buy groceries, you can come home and do dishes, you can cook, do more dishes, you can gather the laundry and throw it in the washer, bathe the baby, etc and then when you wake up in the morning start all over again.

I'm just saying. I can't believe some women complain about this. These women are so blessed to have a family that can afford this. What about those of us who work and miss out on our child's milestones? We don't get to see our kids growing up all the time. We miss a lot of that. There is a lot of mom guilt involved in working as a parent.

Not only that but how many times has a SAHM tried to tell me what to do with my daughter and acted like they were better than/knew more than me because they are fortunate enough to stay home? Several.

@@ It just gets annoying to see people with such a gift complain about how hard it is to deal with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 2:42pm

Uh huh. Whereas I feel that just about everything in the entire world is more important than the dusting. Luckily for me, my SO knows better than to whinge about stupid things like a smudge on the mirror.

Well, I say luckily for me. I MEAN luckily for him ;o)

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 2:56pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 3:36pm
Yeah well, if their biggest issue is that the house isn't spotless (a smudge on the mirror, are you kidding me?) and they have to go on Dr. Phil for THAT, I really pity both of those people.

“Clearly," said Arthur,"you're an idiot- but you're our kind of idiot. Come on.” 
― Markus ZusakThe Book Thief

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 4:11pm

First off it the smudge on the mirror bothers the DH so much he should clean it. It wold take about the same amount of time as complaining about it.

I was a SAHM for 12.5 years. How much I could get done during the day varied. When it was hardest was when I had a toddler and pre-schooler. Sometimes during that period DH did mop the floors in the evening because they needed done and I literally did not have a chance to do them.

But other than that period I never really had much trouble getting the housework done during the time that DH was at work. But that being said it does not mean that it was spotless when he came home. Just because I cleaned the house during the day it does not mean that it was still clean at the end of the day. I think most people understand that (the way my house stays clean now after being cleaned is we kicked the kids out LOL).

From what I have seen over the years some people are complainers. Does not matter their sex, age, work status etc. You really have to take any of those shows with a grain of salt people are not on there because they are happily in the boring middle ground they are on there because they fill the stereo type of whatever the theme of the show is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 4:33pm
Sounds more like a time management issue than a SAHM vs WOHM issue to me.
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&nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 5:08pm

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Amen to that! Now that both my boys are mobile, it seems that I can't turn around to pick up something without something else getting messed up.















iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 5:30pm
That's what I found so funny about the smudge on the mirror comment. Keeping a mirror completely smudge free at all times could be a job in itself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 5:39pm

A few questions...do you think woh is more difficult then sah?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 5:42pm
I wouldn't make DH sleep on the couch. I would show him the macho big cleaning cloths we have that are so special that they even fit into men's hands.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 5:49pm

Lol! thats a better idea.

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