SAHMs Vs. Working Moms

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2010
SAHMs Vs. Working Moms
522
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 2:16pm

SAHM, in case you don't know = Stay At Home Mom

I've always been kind of objective about SAHM vs. Working Mom.... because I'm a woman and I know how hard it is to have kids. But, I've recently kind of become irritated with the SAHM side...

Now, I know not all SAHMs are like this. But many are. I'm not really sure if a majority are like this. Maybe it's just a small majority of them. I hate to clump people together, but this really made it hard for me.

I was watching Dr. Phil last night because honestly there was nothing else on. I don't normally watch his shows, but I found this one interesting.

Here's the case, and I see this many times from SAHMs in my experiences talking to other moms online.

She stays home all day and struggles taking care of the kids. She cooks and cleans. Her husband comes home, and he begins to whine when the house is dirty (dusty, smudges on mirrors, little things like that). There was a girl on there basically crying saying she has no down-time for herself. While her baby is napping she is sitting there on edge waiting for her baby to wake up & getting ready to meet its needs.

OK, makes sense. Being a SAHM is not an easy job. You'll be running your tush off doing everything that needs to get done. BUT, I DO feel that when your husband comes home, that things should be clean. Cleaning a smudge off a mirror takes what, 2 minutes? Dusting takes what, 10-15 mins? You can't squeeze that in?

I WORK, I go to school... Our apartment does look trashed during the week but on the weekends while my hubby is at work I clean the apartment. It takes me about an hour to do. I would figure in a full size home it'd take 2 times that, so 2 hours. That's your child's nap time. During the week I do laundry, I cook, I do general hygiene cleaning like dishes.

Before your hubby gets home you can take 10 mins and make sure everything is clean. I know this sounds really old fashioned and sexist, but it just angers me when SAHMs act like they can't do everything in the home themselves. I would LOVE to stay home and take care of Bella all day, bake and clean, take her to the park, go shopping... But I can't because I'm the breadwinner in our family. I have to work.

Seriously, I just wish some of these women who complain about being a SAHM and being so busy and not being able to cope would switch sides with me. Yes, I get a lot of help from my husband BUT I am still extremely busy. I go to school and I work and I care for our child all at the same time. I take her to work with me. I come home and clean (dishes, toilet, etc--basically hygiene stuff--deep cleaning happens on weekends), I cook, I do laundry, etc. I go grocery shopping after a 9 hr. It's hard, really super hard. Sometimes I feel like just giving up, but I can't. I have to work through it.

I know that being a SAHM is not easy work. It's very hard, too. But if your husband is working, he's working hard too. I don't think you should go out of your way to please him and I don't think you should do it FOR him, but I do think it's part of your job to clean your home. What about housecleaners? They clean all day long for a living.... and many of them have homes of their own.

You put your kids in extracurriculars so you have to ship them back and forth in your car. I heard one woman on the show say "Oh it's hard work watching a kids baseball game in the cold." Oh please. Try running your ass off in a hospital all day meeting patients' demands and then after you've been on your feet all day you can go to the store and buy groceries, you can come home and do dishes, you can cook, do more dishes, you can gather the laundry and throw it in the washer, bathe the baby, etc and then when you wake up in the morning start all over again.

I'm just saying. I can't believe some women complain about this. These women are so blessed to have a family that can afford this. What about those of us who work and miss out on our child's milestones? We don't get to see our kids growing up all the time. We miss a lot of that. There is a lot of mom guilt involved in working as a parent.

Not only that but how many times has a SAHM tried to tell me what to do with my daughter and acted like they were better than/knew more than me because they are fortunate enough to stay home? Several.

@@ It just gets annoying to see people with such a gift complain about how hard it is to deal with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 12:39am
Ha! The problem with that is that I would then have to notice it and I've made it my lifelong ambition to ignore that kind of thing :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 12:52am
A girl's gotta have goals :)

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 10:31am

As a mom who works full time, who used to be a SAHM, it just doesn't happen when you have an infant. It just doesn't. Beyond that, being a SAHM never made me a good housekeeper. I blow at it now, just as I did then. Also, things get dirtier when someone is home all day, especially when several of them are children. My house stays 10 times cleaner now that no one is in it from 6 am to 4 pm. Not that I like to listen to people whine and all that, but it's not always cut and dried. You also feel pressure to do thins "better". Like, I should cook full meals for every meal, or I should be making curtains or something. I certainly would have felt guilty for serving Subway sandwiches on a busy night back when I was a SAHM, yet I did it last night and it didn't bother me a bit.

On the other hand.... this week, I had to work all day and THEN sit a TWO baseball games in the cold. Do I win? ;)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 10:44am

"Things are a little backward with SAH. I used to look forward to the weekend, now I look forward to Mondays."

Even as a SAHM I always looked forward to the weekend. For three reasons:

1. I always did the bulk of the household chores during the week so the weekends were "time off". Sometimes I would do chores on Saturday when DH was there that were impossible or hard to do with kids underfoot. But as both a SAHM and a WOHM Sunday has almost always been a day off. Doing only the bare necessity of chores (basically meal prep and clean up).

2. Since DH was there not all responsibility feel to me.

3. I got to spend more time with DH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 10:54am

My dh does do stuff on the weekends and I do like him being around. But most week days it's me and two toddlers. The weekends it's me, dh and 5-6 kids. A lot more to do, a lot more noise, a lot more mess, a lot more laundry. Dh doing his part around the house, there's more than double the work and more than double the noise.

I do look forward to Thursdays when dh comes home from being out of town all week (unless I have a gazillion places to take the kids on Thursday evenings with no help). I do look forward to Fridays when during the day it's usually dh, me and the two toddlers, and I can run errands at naptime. But Mondays are the day I look forward to the most (at least during the school year, that is).

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 7:30pm

My dh NEVER notices dust-lol!! :0

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 7:38pm

what about having to WOH is difficult?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 8:21pm

Just a rambling thought here ...


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 9:55am


Slut!

Avatar for mommy2amani
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 9:59am


I've always wondered about that when WOHMs talk about working in all the cleaning.

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