SAHMs Vs. Working Moms

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2010
SAHMs Vs. Working Moms
522
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 2:16pm

SAHM, in case you don't know = Stay At Home Mom

I've always been kind of objective about SAHM vs. Working Mom.... because I'm a woman and I know how hard it is to have kids. But, I've recently kind of become irritated with the SAHM side...

Now, I know not all SAHMs are like this. But many are. I'm not really sure if a majority are like this. Maybe it's just a small majority of them. I hate to clump people together, but this really made it hard for me.

I was watching Dr. Phil last night because honestly there was nothing else on. I don't normally watch his shows, but I found this one interesting.

Here's the case, and I see this many times from SAHMs in my experiences talking to other moms online.

She stays home all day and struggles taking care of the kids. She cooks and cleans. Her husband comes home, and he begins to whine when the house is dirty (dusty, smudges on mirrors, little things like that). There was a girl on there basically crying saying she has no down-time for herself. While her baby is napping she is sitting there on edge waiting for her baby to wake up & getting ready to meet its needs.

OK, makes sense. Being a SAHM is not an easy job. You'll be running your tush off doing everything that needs to get done. BUT, I DO feel that when your husband comes home, that things should be clean. Cleaning a smudge off a mirror takes what, 2 minutes? Dusting takes what, 10-15 mins? You can't squeeze that in?

I WORK, I go to school... Our apartment does look trashed during the week but on the weekends while my hubby is at work I clean the apartment. It takes me about an hour to do. I would figure in a full size home it'd take 2 times that, so 2 hours. That's your child's nap time. During the week I do laundry, I cook, I do general hygiene cleaning like dishes.

Before your hubby gets home you can take 10 mins and make sure everything is clean. I know this sounds really old fashioned and sexist, but it just angers me when SAHMs act like they can't do everything in the home themselves. I would LOVE to stay home and take care of Bella all day, bake and clean, take her to the park, go shopping... But I can't because I'm the breadwinner in our family. I have to work.

Seriously, I just wish some of these women who complain about being a SAHM and being so busy and not being able to cope would switch sides with me. Yes, I get a lot of help from my husband BUT I am still extremely busy. I go to school and I work and I care for our child all at the same time. I take her to work with me. I come home and clean (dishes, toilet, etc--basically hygiene stuff--deep cleaning happens on weekends), I cook, I do laundry, etc. I go grocery shopping after a 9 hr. It's hard, really super hard. Sometimes I feel like just giving up, but I can't. I have to work through it.

I know that being a SAHM is not easy work. It's very hard, too. But if your husband is working, he's working hard too. I don't think you should go out of your way to please him and I don't think you should do it FOR him, but I do think it's part of your job to clean your home. What about housecleaners? They clean all day long for a living.... and many of them have homes of their own.

You put your kids in extracurriculars so you have to ship them back and forth in your car. I heard one woman on the show say "Oh it's hard work watching a kids baseball game in the cold." Oh please. Try running your ass off in a hospital all day meeting patients' demands and then after you've been on your feet all day you can go to the store and buy groceries, you can come home and do dishes, you can cook, do more dishes, you can gather the laundry and throw it in the washer, bathe the baby, etc and then when you wake up in the morning start all over again.

I'm just saying. I can't believe some women complain about this. These women are so blessed to have a family that can afford this. What about those of us who work and miss out on our child's milestones? We don't get to see our kids growing up all the time. We miss a lot of that. There is a lot of mom guilt involved in working as a parent.

Not only that but how many times has a SAHM tried to tell me what to do with my daughter and acted like they were better than/knew more than me because they are fortunate enough to stay home? Several.

@@ It just gets annoying to see people with such a gift complain about how hard it is to deal with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 10:09am
LOL.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 1:43pm
It's going to change for me shortly. Dh is going back on graveyard for a bit, and to be honest, he's worse than the kids. LOL

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl Sagan

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 4:42pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2000
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 10:18am

Very good point!



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 2:13pm

I saw that show. I was annoyed by some of the women on there at first. But a few points of clarification: the whining women were not all SAHMs. In fact, the one who said that when her baby is napping, she does not consider it leisure time because she spends the time worrying about him driving drunk when he is 16 was introduced by Dr. Phil as one of his staffers. Second, the husband complaining about housework said himself that his wife swept, dusted, and mopped daily, in addition to laundry and taking care of two very small children. Her infant seemed to be very needy, and she had to hold the girl while she ran the vacuum, etc. Third, the show was not actually about SAHM vs. working moms, it was about how busy moms really are. As a pp mentioned, a study done by several sociologists showed that moms (AND DADS) have about 30-40 hours of leisure time per week, much more than they reported themselves to have. Leisure time was time not doing paid work, housework, childcare, or personal care. Which is how root canals and waiting for the tow truck ended up classified as leisure time.

I agree, from that perspective, that what was classified as leisure time was not what most people would consider leisure time, and therefore the statement that moms (and dads) have 30-40 hours of leisure time is misleading. with that said, I think the attitude expressed by some of them (if I am not fully relaxed, it is work) was just as misleading. I admit that I have at least 30-40 hours of time not working right now (on maternity leave), but I also do not consider it work when I am playing with the kids or sitting on the couch supervising the kids playing with each other, or interacting with the kids while shopping or taking them to a museum. It is not leisure time in the sense that I can do whatever I want or I am completely relaxed and stress-free, but I don't consider it work either. And it seemed like some of the women on that show wanted to classify that time as work. Diaper changes, discipline battles, cooking, cleaning, middle of the night feedings--those I do consider work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 8:02am

My house stays 10 times cleaner now that no one is in it from 6 am to 4 pm.


sure, but the flip side of that for us, anyway, is that when BOTH DH and i have to be somewhere in the morning, ( i'm )

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Wed, 04-07-2010 - 8:36am

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I could keep this place SO CLEAN if my kids were in school every day while I'm at home. Every now and then I look at the trail of destruction of my two little ones and wonder what it would be like to drop them at school, get the place spic and span, and for it to STAY that way for hours on end. Ah well, a girl can dream, lol.















iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 12:52am
I could keep this place SO CLEAN if my kids were in school every day while I'm at home. Every now and then I look at the trail of destruction of my two little ones and wonder what it would be like to drop them at school, get the place spic and span, and for it to STAY that way for hours on end. Ah well, a girl can dream, lol.



I can only get sections clean with the two little one's running around, but it does help that the four older one's are in school (or go to their other parents homes). The problem is that even when I get it clean, the older one's come back. Then I'm right back where I started.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



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Ten Rules for Being Human



"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 6:36am

LOL, trail of destruction.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2004
Thu, 04-08-2010 - 2:54pm

I had to laugh about the "trail of destruction".

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