SAHMs Vs. Working Moms

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2010
SAHMs Vs. Working Moms
522
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 2:16pm

SAHM, in case you don't know = Stay At Home Mom

I've always been kind of objective about SAHM vs. Working Mom.... because I'm a woman and I know how hard it is to have kids. But, I've recently kind of become irritated with the SAHM side...

Now, I know not all SAHMs are like this. But many are. I'm not really sure if a majority are like this. Maybe it's just a small majority of them. I hate to clump people together, but this really made it hard for me.

I was watching Dr. Phil last night because honestly there was nothing else on. I don't normally watch his shows, but I found this one interesting.

Here's the case, and I see this many times from SAHMs in my experiences talking to other moms online.

She stays home all day and struggles taking care of the kids. She cooks and cleans. Her husband comes home, and he begins to whine when the house is dirty (dusty, smudges on mirrors, little things like that). There was a girl on there basically crying saying she has no down-time for herself. While her baby is napping she is sitting there on edge waiting for her baby to wake up & getting ready to meet its needs.

OK, makes sense. Being a SAHM is not an easy job. You'll be running your tush off doing everything that needs to get done. BUT, I DO feel that when your husband comes home, that things should be clean. Cleaning a smudge off a mirror takes what, 2 minutes? Dusting takes what, 10-15 mins? You can't squeeze that in?

I WORK, I go to school... Our apartment does look trashed during the week but on the weekends while my hubby is at work I clean the apartment. It takes me about an hour to do. I would figure in a full size home it'd take 2 times that, so 2 hours. That's your child's nap time. During the week I do laundry, I cook, I do general hygiene cleaning like dishes.

Before your hubby gets home you can take 10 mins and make sure everything is clean. I know this sounds really old fashioned and sexist, but it just angers me when SAHMs act like they can't do everything in the home themselves. I would LOVE to stay home and take care of Bella all day, bake and clean, take her to the park, go shopping... But I can't because I'm the breadwinner in our family. I have to work.

Seriously, I just wish some of these women who complain about being a SAHM and being so busy and not being able to cope would switch sides with me. Yes, I get a lot of help from my husband BUT I am still extremely busy. I go to school and I work and I care for our child all at the same time. I take her to work with me. I come home and clean (dishes, toilet, etc--basically hygiene stuff--deep cleaning happens on weekends), I cook, I do laundry, etc. I go grocery shopping after a 9 hr. It's hard, really super hard. Sometimes I feel like just giving up, but I can't. I have to work through it.

I know that being a SAHM is not easy work. It's very hard, too. But if your husband is working, he's working hard too. I don't think you should go out of your way to please him and I don't think you should do it FOR him, but I do think it's part of your job to clean your home. What about housecleaners? They clean all day long for a living.... and many of them have homes of their own.

You put your kids in extracurriculars so you have to ship them back and forth in your car. I heard one woman on the show say "Oh it's hard work watching a kids baseball game in the cold." Oh please. Try running your ass off in a hospital all day meeting patients' demands and then after you've been on your feet all day you can go to the store and buy groceries, you can come home and do dishes, you can cook, do more dishes, you can gather the laundry and throw it in the washer, bathe the baby, etc and then when you wake up in the morning start all over again.

I'm just saying. I can't believe some women complain about this. These women are so blessed to have a family that can afford this. What about those of us who work and miss out on our child's milestones? We don't get to see our kids growing up all the time. We miss a lot of that. There is a lot of mom guilt involved in working as a parent.

Not only that but how many times has a SAHM tried to tell me what to do with my daughter and acted like they were better than/knew more than me because they are fortunate enough to stay home? Several.

@@ It just gets annoying to see people with such a gift complain about how hard it is to deal with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2010
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 5:56pm

I'm at home to be with our kids, not to clean the house.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2009
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 9:46pm

Oh boy ... a newbie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 11:13pm

Right. Extras such as gas and electric, water, food, car insurance, allowing dh the low paying but highly satisfying career, etc. I have been a parent for 32 years, 13 of them as a SAHM. Neither one is harder than the other. Some kids are harder to raise than others. It's all in the personalities of members of the family. Raising Erica was hard. Raising Dylan is hard in different ways. Raising Joy and Angela was not hard.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 4:26am
Wise words, as usual.

*^*^*^*^*

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

Mark Twain

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 6:22am

You probably should have stopped after the first paragraph, LOL!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 7:20am

Also, I think people who don't stay at home deciede it is a peice of cake, working moms or dads.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 8:05am

being

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 8:32am

"Of course, SOME working parents say they can't afford to stay home, but what they mean is they can't afford the nice house or vacation without both of them working. Which is fine, that is what works for their family. But it is not fair to say that I am "lucky" to stay home, and should keep a perfect house, when the reality is my husband and I both sacrifice a lot to make it happen."

I believe people who say they can't afford to sah. I think it is a simplistic statement as there are many other factors that go into that decision, but money is the primary one. Different people have different personalities, different personal experiences, different levels of comfort regarding retirement and college savings, different abilities to move in and out of the workforce, different goals, different children, different support networks, different job flexibility, different spending habits, different wishes and different dreams.

SAH/WOH is not the ideal "lifestyle" (for lack of a better word). Dual WOH is not the ideal "lifestyle". There is no universal ideal. Each family needs to figure what works best for them and make the choices based on the available options.

It is obvious that for you and your family, sah is the better choice and thus it is worth some of the downsides of that choice. For others, dual WOH is the better choice and worth the downsides of that choice. Both choices have their upsides and their downsides.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 8:32am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 8:45am
I think that it is quite easy to determine what someone would and would not want to do even if the opportunity to do so will never be there. Isn't that part of knowing oneself?

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