SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 10:14pm

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So you say, although you haven't substantiated that.

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And? Was that supposed to be some great revelation? I never said it didn't happen - just that your presentation of it as "the way real life works" isn't necessarily accurate. And I believe I also said that in the case where sick pay didn't kick in for the first couple of months (not a year as your original post on the subject tried to claim) the company would, in fact, advance the unaccrued time to the employee.

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Exactly what I said from the beginning - that your assertion about "the way it is", isn't.

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Why would you think that? Is it because that's what you do?

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Is everything I've ever done in my life typical? I've had to "grow into" paid time off once out of five jobs. Why is the one case the typical one?

I have no idea what your last paragraph has to do with anything. Then again, I'm hard pressed to tie this whole silly subthread to the OP in the first place. Why you've gone on and on about it is beyond me.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 10:16pm

for the seventy bazillionth time - it's never been established that J isn't doing his job. His boss has certain expectations, but whether they are actually part of his "job contract" has yet to be established.

In any case, it's moot because - follow along closely here - NO ONE HAS SAID J SHOULDN'T DO HIS JOB THE WAY HIS EMPLOYER REQUIRES.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 1:32am
Probably it would be worked out based on who had the most pressing need for a particular vacation slot rather than seniority. I've never heard of seniority coming into play with regard to vacation time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 5:34am
Since when isn't fulfilling your bosses expectations part of your job? The op stated that there are times he is needed to stay but isn't because of his wifes demands. Hmmm? He is needed to be there but is not, he's too tired to function, he't taking personal calls, his boss is complaining...I can see how you can confuse this with DOING his job, lol. NOT.


Edited 7/17/2006 5:36 am ET by kbmammm
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 8:19am

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You don't think it's possible for bosses to have expectations that aren't part of the negotiated job contract? YOU are the one who went on and on about the "negotiated contractual obligations". I've had bosses with unrealistic expectations, and "the company" doesn't always back them up.

And the OP stated a few things that upon further examination turned out not to be entirely accurate.

In any case, you seem to have missed the point, which is amazing since it was pretty blunt - which is that all your hystrionics to the contrary, no one in this thread, including myself, has ever suggested that J should not meet the demands of his employer. Let's see if you can manage to miss it twice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 9:38am
My job is stressful and demanding, but less so than taking care of one, normal, laid back infant.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 9:54am

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Why is it insulting to say that K won't let anyone watch her babies other than herself and her husband?

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She has help available to her if she wants it - she doesn't want to ask for it. Yes, her sister and mother live right down the road from her. As to the ZERO of the actual situation, why do you need ALL the specifics? Can't we just debate an issue without having every single detail??

You know, I really don't understand why I'm getting attacked. I merely wanted feedback on a situation and suddenly, I'm recanting my entire story, not giving necessary details, and now I'm contradicting myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 9:56am
BTW, they are members of a church, too, when we went to visit after the babies were born, we had to cut our visit short b/c it was a Sunday afternoon and the people they go to church with began coming by. So don't say she couldn't have help - when you refuse help enough, offers quit coming.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 10:09am

I'm glad someone's still debating the point I was trying to make last week - J's job in jeopardy.

After all the feedback I got last week about not giving enough details about the situation, I wanted to clarify some things -- so I asked my DH again about J at work. Now this isn't 3rd hand information - DH actually witnessed these events that occur at work since he and J work together.

The final straw, it seems, that caused the boss to make the comment about J deciding what was more important - work to provide for the family or being with the family at all times? - was a trip my DH had to go on today. The project that's causing the overnight trip was actually DH and J's project, only J can't go away on a business trip and he told the boss that. It was known before accepting the position that J holds that business trips are required on occasion. They don't take trips often - this one is for 2 days/1 night -- DH will be home tomorrow afternoon.

As for the phone calls, all calls are answered by the security guard. No one has voice mail and the calls are supposed to be for emergencies only. I've been reprimanded for calling DH before - and I probably call him once a week. Since it's a factory, they have to be paged over the intercom, so everyone hears when someone else gets a phone call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 10:12am

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Like what? I'd like to know where I lied, exactly.

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