SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 4:58pm
Um, yeah, if mom did the night feedings I think he'd be getting more sleep. Why wouldn't he? He wouldn't be the one getting up. I can think of lots of solutions here. Ear plugs, a good solid wood door...or he could just take lessos from my dh who never seemed to hear the baby cry, lol (got to be a guy thing).
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 5:00pm
Let's say no one has a pressing need. They just all want the same week. Let's say there's some event they all want to travel to attend. No need here (people rarely need a particular time off for vacation). Just want. What would your company do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 5:22pm
That's what they do where I work too! I'm hired for the summer, along with other students; so there's like three extra people. Mostly on co-op or just summer students, since that's when most people go away; and naturally we don't get vacation days, so if we don't work - we don't get paid. (I work for a branch that's slightly related to the government)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 5:28pm
Not at my job. If the phone rings during lunch hour and it's your customer, you talk to them. And no it's not a paid lunch hour.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 6:16pm
What does that have to do with your blanket assertion about working moms earning less money?
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 6:33pm
We do first request in, wins. In the unlikely event both requests arrived at the exact same time, and no resolution could be reached, we'd probably arm wrestle for it. But there is no "company policy" on who gets it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 7:31pm

Everything but I wouldn't expect you to get that. Do some research on women's wages and what happens to them after they have kids vs. what happens to mens wages after they have kids.

The phrase "mommy track" was coined because this ia a real phenomena that happens frequently enough that they named it.

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 7:54pm

Every job in the country is required to give you a lunch break for a certain amount of hours worked. Most organizations I've worked for do not pay you for the hour - for 40 hours per week you do 8:30-5:30 w/ an hour lunch. It's a mandatory lunch, period.

The company I worked for was one of the largest medical software companies in the country and I had many, many clients. If a call came in while I was on lunch, it got transferred to someone else who could try to help them.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 7:57pm

First of all, I see that as unlikely - I don't have twins, but have two friends with multiples and they never slept on the same schedule - even at night one would wake, the other would then wake, one would go down, the other wouldn't. It takes time to develop a pattern.

I personally found it very tough to "sleep when my baby slept". My pattern didn't work that way.

Also, there's nothing else that the mom wants to do while they slept - like eat, go to the bathroom, shower, clean, etc?

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 9:36pm
i have never had twins either, but the few people that i know who have them are not tending to babies 24/7 every day - there are times that both are sleeping. but as with all kids im sure they are all different. and all of them were able to eat or go to the bathroom even if their kids were not sleeping. showering does tend to become more difficult with infants, even with on there were days i didnt get a shower until the evening when dh got home. and as to cleaning, that becomes a pretty low priority with one infant, i would think with two it would fall even further down the list. i agree it is not always easy to nap when baby does but your assertion that dad should just nap at lunch was waht i was responding too - what if his pattern didnt work that way - is that as valid as moms not working to sleep when the babies sleep.
Jennie

Pages