SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2001
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:14am
I didn't always sleep when he slept, but I did get into the habit of napping in the afternoon.
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:32am
Ah. If I did that my little guy would have gotten used to me nursing him throughout the whole nap (mine really got into the whole nursing thing - we've *almost finished* child-led weaning at this point, and he's 2.5).
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:34am
Thanks :)
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 10:09am

That's not how it is at my company.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 10:38am
When do you have to decide on your vacations?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 10:49am
I work at the same office as my mom - it's nice to have connections ;) anyway, I know that the longer you work the more vacation time you have. Like right now she has 5 weeks vacation time after working there for 17/18 years, but this other guy, just like a notch below her - but works with her, more like 1/2 below her get's like 6/7 because he's worked there fore 25+ years.
Don't you get something for working for a long time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 11:27am

Wy would I not get it? Why the hostitity?

I know very well what mommy track is. I also know that mommy track is NOT universal, and is often actually the choice of the working spouse. I also know that it varies greatly by industry.

Just wondering why you are so insistent that if this dad actually contributes at home and helps his wife with the twins while they are still infants he will lose his job or at lesat suffer at work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 11:44am
So your solution is to let the baby go hungry and scream because of it, and get dad some ear plugs? Okay....
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 11:49am
Sounds like he's one pretty pampered DH!
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 11:50am

If that were the case with me, I'd always go out to lunch. You deserve a break.

I loved the first place I worked for - they also provided 5 cent soda, free coffee, free bagels, etc. plus a lot of staff development and "fun" events (free family picnic with a lobster bake, events for the kids, etc., a free christmas dinner (turkey or ham brought to the office from a local gourmet supplier), free holiday party, etc. They were very strict with their time, however. Tardiness was not tolerated. And you *had* to take your lunch - if you didn't "clock out" for that time they would actually reprimand you. They wanted to avoid burnout.

I loved it, but my true passion was where I am now: higher education counseling. Here, I'm exempt and not hourly, meaning I do work some overtime, but I get to leave early for appointments, etc. with no financial reprecussions.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03

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