SAHM/WOHD Issue
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| Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm |
My husband came home the other day with this story:
His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.
K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....
K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.
Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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That's really interesting.
Is a certain amount of holiday required in Sweden, and it's already too much that you can't have more?
What's the reinforcement for staying with the company? - unless it's all around awesome and you can't get benefits like that anywhere else?
I find it hard to believe there is a "group of wives" who will all throw a hissy fit should their DH go golfing for a day, or jet skiing, or whatever.
Now, if they are going to a strip club, I can see where some wives wouldn't be fine with it.
I don't think it's the wives at all, rather it's the men doing the lying who make the decision to be deceitful to their wives. And that creates a breach of trust in the marriage. Hrm. . . jet skiing or saving my marriage. . . what to do, what do to. . .
"She is being unreasonable that she freaks when he has to stay late."
And we know she is freaking because? Oh yea, because the OP, three persons removed, said so.
Jennie
I think the bare minimum required for an employer to offer is 5 weeks in Sweden. Dh was offered 7 weeks up front (i.e. from the first year) under an agreement that he works overtime without extra pay. It's a commonly negotiated arrangement here. Others are sometimes offered 6 weeks with rights to overtime pay. I work for a Germany company which is only required to offer 5 weeks vacation but I negotiated 6 weeks vacation from the first year. That's a pretty standard amount for that company. Dh has gotten some more vacation days in the last several years, but those days have also been automatically offered to new employees who are signed up under a similar contract.
"What's the reinforcement for staying with the company? - unless it's all around awesome and you can't get benefits like that anywhere else?"
Europeans in general have a tendency to stay long-term with companies. I haven't noticed that people really need other reinforcements for staying with a company. Some switch occasionally, but most prefer to stay if the work is interesting and the atmosphere decent.
***The OP said the mother had family who lived locally***
Actually the OP said <<>>
*** - and apparently they live to help her, because you're saying she "had plenty of help".****
Your personal definition of what I said is wrong. I am going on what the OP said. You might want to go back and read the OP again.
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