SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:02pm

***Um. . .how is that any different than my assertation that her family lives locally? Wow, local isn't a half mile anymore?***

You didn't post what she said. You saying that her family lived locally wasn't what she said. She clearly stated they were 1/2 mile away and could help with the baby. You left that part out.

***How does the OP *know* that these women (mother and sister) are at K's beckon call?***

Since she didn't say that I wouldn't know. She said they could help with the babies. However we can't go on what if's...we can only go by what the OP said.

***My mother and sister live locally to me (is it okay for me to use that word?) and in 2.5 years, they have babysat *maybe* 4 times total. My sister has a very busy job and life, my mother works and also has a very busy life.***

Well that is YOUR personal experience. We aren't talking about you, we are discussing the person that the OP wrote about.

*** Of course they have said "we'll help out" at times, but I've found that when I've asked for help, often they physically cannot help me due to something else they have planned. We're *very* close, but it doesn't change the fact that they often cannot help me.***

Again this isn't about you.

***What insight to this "K's" life does the OP have to justify that she KNOWS the mom and sister can come help w/ the babies?***

She can only post what is said. I think this K person's DH knows better than all of us. These are the words he has stated and she in turned asked us what we thought.

***And what knowledge do *you* have that they can do so?

And what knowledge do you have the can't? Just because your sister and mother can't doesn't mean that is the case for K.

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:08pm

"Well that is YOUR personal experience. We aren't talking about you, we are discussing the person that the OP wrote about."

Okay, if it "isn't about me" (duh) then how does the fact that your DH would laugh at you for asking for help with a nursing child at night demonstrate any relevance?

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:12pm

***Here's the entire post #1 - I don't see the word "freaks" - do you?***

No but instead of posting how this lady says he has to leave work by 4 and that she calls him all day long, I used the word freaks. My me personally that is what she is doing. You don't have to define it that way but if I called my DH all the time during the day everyday, and told him to be home right after his shift time was over we would be divorced or he would have been fired.

***I've noticed a trend - every person on this board who has been a staunch defender of the man's story in this post***

Well what should we do? Warp her story to try to figure out what the other side of the story is? I think that would be difficult to do since we don't know this person. We can only go on what is posted here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:13pm
How do we know he hasn't?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:15pm
I am not using what my personal experience is as a defense. You are saying because your family can't help you doesn't mean that her family can't.
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:17pm

"No but instead of posting how this lady says he has to leave work by 4 and that she calls him all day long, I used the word freaks"

Bad word choice there.

I wonder what your definition of "husband" and "father" is. I don't call my DH at work frequently, but if I had twin preemies at home, who knows? I might need help. And you know what? It's DH's JOB (yes, he, like I, has many jobs) to help with HIS KIDS.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:20pm
In Canada (other Canadians feel free to correct me if I'm wrong!) there are laws wrt vacation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:35pm

***Bad word choice there.***

This is from the person that says *plenty of help* = beck and call. <>

Yes they are his children. He is WORKING to provide healthcare, a home, food, and every single thing they need financially. If she needs to call him because they are sick or something is wrong, that is one thing. However I doubt that would be frequently to the point he is about to be fired. She needs hired help, and probably some medical advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 4:45pm

I don't know if that's correct, i assume it is (i've never worked for over a year).

But don't most places have a probationary period of 3 months? I know when I worked for Shoppers Drug Mart (who is unionized, and does have paid vacation for employees) I wouldn't be given a raise for three months, or be allowed vacation time with pay until after then. You also weren't supposed to get a discount until 3 months.

I don't understand why someone would get all the benefits from day one, what if two weeks in they started using up their sick days...say...and they took a week off; or 2 months in they get married, and take all their vacation. (even if it's all legit) and then 4 wks later they quit! That's basically a rip off for the company isn't it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 5:06pm
Yes there is 3 months probationary. Before the 3 month mark the employee can quit or be fired for whatever reason.

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