SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:06pm
We can only go by what is posted. But what is posted contains holes you could drive a truck through, some internal inconsistencies, and some implausibilities. I see no reason to pretend that this is the whole truth and nothing but the truth and debate it as such. Part of the debate is figuring out where the biggest holes in the story are: what is spin and what is believable. There is zero point in debating something that is spin and hearsay as though it was a first-hand account and included both sides of the story. The "what ifs" are extremely important. I for one refuse to pretend that I swallow this story whole. I am not about to go with the "what a lazy, spoiled baby she is" assumption just because that is how she is presented in the story. I am going to read between the lines. I feel we owe it to this slandered woman to read between the lines to parse out as much of her story as is possible given the scant info.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:38pm
I'd be wondering why my dh felt compelled to lie. It's not so much the trust issue here as they aren't doing anything bad but just the idea that they, for some reason, think they couldn't tell their wives they want a day off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:40pm
I'm an engineer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:43pm
I disagree. If he's protecting his ability to provide the food the babies are eating, he's not. It's not cut and dried. Did you read my posts about the couple I knew who split up over this? He was nearly killed and nearly killed a coworker because of fatigue. Would have have been an ass to have tried to get some sleep while his wife dealt with the children? I don't think so.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:44pm
Someone has to provide the food for the baby to be fed and why can't you feed two at once? I don't have twins but I know more than one mom who does and they never seemed to have a problem feeding them both at the same time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:45pm
If he needs to rest in order to earn the paycheck that buys the food, then he needs to rest. Do you really think jeopardizing his life, as happened with the couple I poted about before is a better solution? I don't. A dead dad can't pay the bills and then what will mom feed the babies?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:47pm
Oh yeah one exception means no one needs to worry about it. I get that some women don't have this issues but if you look at census data, most do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:50pm

Actually, no. If you are non exempt they are required. If you're exempt, they are not. I've worked plenty of days with no break for lunch. When it hits the fan you just deal with it and you can't walk away until it's dealt with.

I'm exempt. They don't have to pay me OT or give me breaks, however, legally, they couldn't take action against me if I insisted on taking a break. I can't, however, do anything to them for not providing for one. My coffee break is usually a cup of coffee in my hand while I check log books and lunch has been a candy bar eaten while I see to job related tasks on more than one occaision.




Edited 7/18/2006 8:36 pm ET by kbmammm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 6:50pm
Maybe their wives aren't the only ones they're lying to. "We're jet skiing (but don't tell our wives, they don't know)" sounds so harmless. The perfect thing to tell a female co-worker who might bristle at other things men might do w/o telling their wives.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 7:04pm
That's what's normal? It's normal for employers to offer full sick pay from day one? Where? Not in automotive and not in government jobs that's for sure. Where is it normal?

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