SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:29pm
That makes no sense. Why tell a FEMALE coworker anything? Why would they care what a female coworker might bristle at? I'm not following you here. Besides, they weren't telling me. They were telling our boss and a couple of other guys. I just happened to pop into the lab for coffee during the discussion. I stuck around long enough to wager that J will get sunburned and get caught. I didn't see him today. ??? Now I'm wondering, lol.


Edited 7/18/2006 8:31 pm ET by kbmammm
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:31pm
I didn't really understand that sentence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:34pm
Who is allowed to sleep on company property? If I got caught sleeping at lunch time, I'd be in for a lecture on how unprofessional that looks and it does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:37pm
Engineers is a pretty broad term. Just about everyone can refer to themselves as engineers.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:41pm

Fatigue can just as easily kill a mom. What if the next morning after Mom was up all night with the babies, she drove to the supermarket and almost crashed her car because of fatigue? Or what if she was crossing the street with her baby in the stroller and she misjudged how far away a car was because of her fatigue? It can happen to either one.

Or is the Mom's life expendable?

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 8:59pm

And should I point out to you that you did the same exact thing with regard to the waking discussion? Can you not see that it's the same thing?

The OP said the person could have all the help she needs from local family members, however I gave an example (look it up) of caring family members who simply cannot help. The OP has not said HOW she knows the family members are available any time, only that they are local.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:03pm
So all the man is supposed to do is provide for the family financially. Ah, got it.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:05pm
Wow, tandem nursing at once must be pretty impressive to see.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:06pm
Check the laws - they were posted earlier by someone else.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:10pm

LOL, you're not allowed to nap in your car? Do you frequently have customers visiting?

This was a leading medical information technology provider in MA. Just about 50% of us had pillows stored under our desks for lunch napping.

Oh, and I've also had a couch in my office in my official profession - I'm in higher education counseling. Many times people have asked (supervisors even) to take a 20 minute power nap in my office. It's really not all that uncommon. Your work doesn't sound like a very good place to be.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03

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