SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:21pm
Are you serious? Mom can grab a nap if she needs to. Going to the grocery store or for a walk in a stroller is not a necessity if mom is exhausted. However going to work isn't. What is your solution? Since mom is tired dad has to be too?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:29pm

***And should I point out to you that you did the same exact thing with regard to the waking discussion? Can you not see that it's the same thing?***

No it really isn't. I believe you need to reread my post. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=16949.304

***The OP said the person could have all the help she needs from local family members, however I gave an example (look it up) of caring family members who simply cannot help.***

But your situation and example aren't relevent.

***The OP has not said HOW she knows the family members are available any time, only that they are local.***

What she said was <<>>

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:31pm
Who said that? Your personal definitions of what I have said are way off.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:34pm

<>

Why do you keep saying that like it's true?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:37pm
Just clearly going on mom and sister live 1/2 mile away and can help with the babies.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:39pm

You think there's only one exception?

And how does census data tell you if a woman has an "issue"? Maybe she made a choice.




Edited 7/18/2006 9:40 pm ET by taylormomma
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:42pm
My dh naps in his car during lunch all the time. And some people - get THIS - have offices with doors on them!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:43pm

Oh, because it details the wage disparity between men and women for one.

Go read up on how becomming a parent impacts a woman's career.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:47pm

We have customers through all the time.

As work places go, our lab is a great place to be. I've never worked with a more supportive group in my life. Any one of us would cover for the another in a heart beat. However, napping during lunch would be considered unprofessional. I can't imagine a customer coming up and seeing me napping in my car or at my desk.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 9:58pm
Wow. The men you work with must have a low opinion of women in general. Although I'm wondering why someone who would lie to his wife wouldn't also just as easily lie to his boss.

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