SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 10:45pm
Maybe it's learned behavior they learned long before they ever got married. Funny you should mention the "easier to ask forgiveness" spiel. I've already mentioned it earlier.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 10:48pm

Really? The whole FEMALE thing was an accidental caps lock? So accidental that you had to repeat the sentiment?

And if you want to ask a private question, send an email. This is a public forum, where every post you make is open to response by any other poster.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 11:17pm

I don't think so....

I would consider an "engineer" to be an actual engineer with a Bachelors in Engineering...such as Civi, Mechanical, Electrical, Chemical...

One of my friends is an "audio engineer" - that might be his title, but he didn't go through 4 years of university, with 6 courses a semester for the first two years (attempting to be weeded out) so to me, he's not a "real" engineer. He may work really hard, and his job might be very stressful, but sorry...My mom is a petroleum Engineer, and my dad is an electrical engineer, and one of my good friends is a chemical engineer....those are engineers

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 11:56pm
in my neck of the woods you cant swing a cat without hitting a doctor or a lawyer - whats the point. is the importance of a job now determined by if one can swing a cat without hitting one
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:04am
at my last job we were not allowed to smoke or nap in our cars as long as they were on company property - of course you could leave the property and nap. and no one would ever be allowed to nap in their office, with or without a door
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:10am

"And not sure why you try to make it sound so important. In my neck of the woods, you can't swing a cat without hitting an engineer."

same with my neck of the woods...as i said...Im surrounded by them, such as family and tons of friends, and it's one of the largest faculties at my university. That doesn't mean that any of them aren't actual engineers. They all have their iron rings, and their degrees. Not all of them are "professional" designation, since you have to join the association for that.

In regards to the training...technically you are an "enginneer" as soon as you finish your iron ring cerimony....but unoficially are an "EIT" Engineer in Training for a few years (2-3).

Not anyone is an engineer....they have to have a degree in "engineering"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:12am
That's only some one's version, but if it's the 100% truth, then I can tell you that is not how I would take care of my babies. I had twins, I worked part time from the start, and I took care of them both with almost no help from anyone, including my husband. I could have used more help but I did what I had to do. If I was her and I wasn't working, I would do it the way I did it with my own twins. Me, and all me almost always. I wouldn't be jeopordizing my husband's job or asking him to get up in the middle of the night, I would do all that, of course when he's home he should help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:33am
I've posted this before, but....in my husband's building, there is a small room with a bed for people who might feel the urge to take a nap during the work day (on their own time, of course). I don't think dh has felt the need to use it yet :-).
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 6:07am

Here, it's now a degreed profession too and you're an engineer in training for a few years after you graduate. How many depends on the job. Most engineers are considered professionals but without a P.E. you do not use the title "Professional Engineer" unless you do have your P.E. The title indicates you have passed the engineering exams. Which aren't very populat here. It's not like the Bar exams for a lawyer where you have to take them to practice. You're an engineer once out of training but only a "Professional Engineer" once you've passed both exams.

However, I am rather perplexed that we're even discussing this here. I was asked what I do for a living and I answered. Then I challened when I was told just about everyone can claim to be an engineer. I don't see why that is objectionable. I fail to see where just about anyone can claim to be an engineer.

FTR, I do not have a P.E. so I'm just an engineer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 6:14am
That's funny. We joke about needing a nap room. I wonder if anyone would use it if we had one. It's just considered very unprofessional to sleep on the job where I am. Since we're a lab, I'm not sure sleeping anywhere in the building would be wise. In the parking lot, it just lookd really unprofessional to people arriving.

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