SAHM/WOHD Issue
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| Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm |
My husband came home the other day with this story:
His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.
K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....
K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.
Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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***Yes I am serious. You don't think that fatigue can be the cause of a serious accident that can kill a mother just like it can a father?***
Sure it can. However if you meant a SAHM vs a WOHF, I think there is a difference. Just like there is a difference between an engineer and a cop. The cop is more likely to be killed on the job than an engineer. I think this topic is going way out there.
*** That might not always be possible. I never took naps while my babies napped. And I'm sure I'm not the only woman in the world.***
If you are so fatigued that you could die and you chose not to nap while your babies are both sleeping then that is a CHOICE. My DH does NOT have a choice. Sleeping on the job is not a choice he has.
***That doesn't take away from the fact that alot of Moms do it.***
If a SAHM is so fatigued that she is not alert to drive, or go for a walk then that is her irresponsibility. It is stupid to get behind the wheel of the car when you are so exhausted and not alert.
***My point is that Dads aren't the only ones who can be seriously hurt during the day from fatigue.***
I disagree. Mom doing anything other than staying home with or without a nap when she is fatigued from caring for a baby during the nap is just irresponsible.
First I have to ask what is a customer doing at your car?
"If you are so fatigued that you could die and you chose not to nap while your babies are both sleeping then that is a CHOICE. My DH does NOT have a choice. Sleeping on the job is not a choice he has."
He has a choice to take a sick or personal day if he is that fatigued. There is always a compromise that the parents can take turns waking up each night, so that the other parent is not always the one that is fatigued. I would love to hear the solution of how you think my DH and I took care of babies, both being a year apart, when we were both police officers. Which one of us should've came into work dragging from lack of sleep with our reflexes not up to par?
"If a SAHM is so fatigued that she is not alert to drive, or go for a walk then that is her irresponsibility. It is stupid to get behind the wheel of the car when you are so exhausted and not alert."
So blame it on the woman, who seems to take a backseat in the marital relationship in your book.
From your post:
"I love hearing how (the one I know) expects her DH to go get the baby in the middle of the night and bring the baby to her, she nurses the baby and he takes the baby back to bed. Cracks me up....my DH would have rolled over laughing at me if I told him to do that."
How is that relevant? Except of course to show that your DH would laugh at you should you request nighttime help with his children, God forbid. I see, it's relevant because you have the same type of DH that the OP has - one that expects her to do everything - so when you hear about a woman who expects her DH to pitch in, you think she's "a wreck". Got it.
"What she said was <<>> "
Yes. . . and processing, processing. . . nope, still can't decipher HOW she knows the mother and sister can come to help with the babies, other than their sheer proximity to her own home.
My example was extremely relevant - showed how a caring, LOCAL (i.e. within a MILE, gee, sorry that's more than a half mile so I guess it makes my situation like apples to oranges) family members cannot always help out.
"He is WORKING to provide healthcare, a home, food, and every single thing they need financially."
And the mother is WORKING to try to raise the kids, but needs help because she is outnumbered by premature twin babies who really need more than one person around. Perhaps he should be WORKING to find her paid help if he doesn't want to help out at home himself.
Very supportive group that also supports the men lying to their wives. Got it.
I work with students where I am now - students=customers. They are through this office constantly. I have a door, and a lock. And I can use my unpaid lunch to do whatever I please to do, including sleep. Would it be considered unprofessional for you to go running on lunch?
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