SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:13am
One can order pizza or chinese. But not diapers or formula (unless they have internet grocery delivery, which I do but the OP hasn't yet said they do so I'll guess not). I don't know if she's nursing- but if the OP is to be believed (and it isn't by me, but anyhoo) then nursing is out of the question based on the claim "the only time she is bothered with the twins is when she's home alone with them". So if you are going to believe that claim of the OP, then you are required to also believe that she needs formula.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:14am

***Yes, you did say that if you woke your DH to go and get the baby, he would roll over and laugh.***

<<>>

Again I will ask you...where did I say that my DH would laugh in my face if the baby started crying.

***If you weren't being snarky, you wouldn't have said anything about the state of the neighborhood. You would have just said that he "goes off to work."***

I explained it to you that I wasn't being snarky. Your argument here is very weak. Like I said...I wasn't the one being snarky here.

*** Yes, he was a cop then. He woke up with DS for the first couple of months. I didn't have to wake him. He heard the baby's cries and was up. After that, we took turns. My sleep was just as precious as his.***

Well I view that differently. I want my DH to be rested and alert when he is at work. I didn't need my DH to get up at night to change a diaper, or bring me a baby to nurse. I was quite capable of losing that extra 2 minutes or so without any problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:15am


Lets just say hypothetically if your DH had to get up once or twice a month one a work night it would be the worst thing in the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:15am
LOL...Wasn't it you that said he should get her some HIRED help at home? Yet now they can't afford a $12 pizza?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:16am

Read post 19 again. That's the one where the OP says "who even implied that she doesn't get up also?" So...she does get up with them. And he does too. Because there are TWO!!! babies.

Since the OP herself admits the wife gets up during the night (thus recanting that line from the first post), why do you stick to the claim that she doesn't?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:18am

LMAO...Let's examine this. You said that when the baby started crying that my DH would roll over and laugh at me. Post 304 states clearly....<<>>

Please tell me how these two statements are the same?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:20am

What kind of engineer?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:21am
Yes he does. Nope...but the cell phone is owned by the city. If he did nothing but answer the cell phone from me calling all day, he would not be able to listen to his radio, and when his officers call him, not to mention not be able to do roll call, get his emails taken care of, I think you know the drill. Can you see him on a scene and me calling him to say...When are you coming home? Why arent you here yet? Good grief.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:24am

This post makes me think of an idea- OP? Are you reading?

How about hiring a mother's helper?

Mother's helpers are tweens or teens who come into the house to help. They don't allow the mom to leave or necessarily even sleep, but they can do helpful things that relieve work burden. In this case, a mother's helper could grab some extra bucks here and there (it is summer, tweens may have some free time) by doing chores such as light cleaning. Perhaps fetch some clean clothes for the babies or take out diaper trash. The more that gets done in the afternoon, the less there is in the evening. It might even calm the wife to the point of not needing to make constant phone calls.

Or she might be made more rather than less nervous by a 14yo cleaning the bathroom. I dunno. But it's a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:26am

But why would he get up? I never had a time that I couldn't handle it. I was completely capable of handling the situations with the babies. Like I said he did get up in the mornings when he was off. It allowed me to catch up on sleep.

***You must be the perfect wife and your children must have been very quiet cryers because there were times I never woke him but the baby did.***

Oh no the baby did wake him occasionally. However hearing a baby cry and having to get out of bed and care for a baby are two different things. I always nursed the baby in the nursery in my glider. I would simply close the door and that was it.

*** Is Mom/Wife lazy?? not what you did just what you think yes or no!!!***

No. She isn't lazy. She needs help. However like I originally stated the woman I know requires her DH to do this EVERY SINGLE night with every single baby every single time. To me...that is lazy.

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