SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:25pm

Two babies as well.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:27pm

Reminds me of another debate on the board, the whole nanny/sitter thing.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:28pm

"From the definition on dictionary.com a Mary Kay consultant can refer to herself as an engineer. "


How is a mary kay consultant trained or professionally engaged in a branch of engineering?
What engine does a mary kay consultant operate?
Does a mary kay consultant manage an enterprise?



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:30pm
I'm getting the feeling copwife's DH is giving her a line. "This-is-the-departments-cell-phone-and-they-check-every-incoming-and-outgoing-call-repeatedly-so-don't-call-if-it-doesn't-concern-a-trip-to-the-ER" spiel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:33pm

"Does a mary kay consultant manage an enterprise?"

Doesn't she manage her own little "enterprise"? As little as it may be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:36pm
No where in that post did I say that was in reference to this mother. However if her DH has to take a sick day at work due to fatigue and his SAHW is sleeping I think there is a problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:37pm
Your job sounds interesting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:44pm

***Well you get a gold star then because I was normally 100% capable as well but you know what it is not 100% my responsiblity.***

Didn't you say that sometimes you just couldn't deal? There is nothing wrong with not being able to deal when you are so tired. I am just saying that there wasn't a time when I was at the point that I couldn't just deal.

***and well missing a little sleep here and there is not going to hurt anyone let alone the father of the child.***

You sort of made my point. So why is it this big deal that I don't think my DH should have to get up during the night when I SAH? It isn't going to kill me to lose a couple of extra minutes of sleep.

*** I don't believe in playing the martyr I learned early in the relationship it only is a breeding ground for resentment so I don't have any problem admitting that I need help even the the help is inconvienent.****

No one here is playing the martyr. I am not really sure why that was even said. IF I had needed the help then he would have gladly needed it. However you aren't understanding that I was referring to me telling my DH that he would have to get up every night every time the baby cried and change the baby and bring the baby to me then put the baby back to bed. He would laugh at me, because it is ridiculous and that is how we both see it.

***But to say making a DH get up in the middle of the night makes the other lazy is just not true. And I understand there was an extreme example you are refering too.***

I don't think asking your DH to get up and help you with the baby if you need it is being lazy and I have stated that. However like I stated above is nothing but laziness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:45pm
You stated it clearly...it depends on the teen themselves. I didn't say it wasnt a fun time, but it can also be very difficult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:48pm

Some places/supervisors

PumpkinAngel

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