SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:09pm
How do you define 1/2 the responsibility, if only the mother is required to get up with the children at night? What does the father do to make up for him not doing 1/2 the night duty?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:10pm
Doesn't make that not difficult. Having a newborn is difficult. Where did I say that I didn't need his help? I think I have said more times than I care to count that he does help when I need it. Why are we even being silly here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:10pm


I guess I saw no where that it was everytime the child(s) cried (the op that is) it was just that Daddy was also on night duty.

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:12pm
Um, how much of your last paragraph was tongue-in-cheek?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:12pm
Can you please stop insulting my dh and myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:14pm
That is the difference for working for a company and working for the city. Taxpayers want to make sure their tax dollars aren't being wasted so the city has no choice but to document emails and cell phone useage.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:16pm
No not really. I have been there when they are fighting about it. She has asked my opinion on it and I told her how we do things. She has said that if she has to be so should he.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:17pm
oh, and maybe because "engineer" sounds impressive

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:17pm

Possibly not.

My dh has a cell phone, but the service connected with it is strictly contracted for only calling other department cell phones. They used to have two-way radios, but the cell phones are smaller and more reliable.

They have been told point blank that if they ever use the phone for non-work-related calls, it's a terminating offence. And they know, because they get a billing statement every month that includes call details.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:18pm
Because he has told her countless numbers of times to let me watch the baby or her girls. Her girls are almost the same age as my daughter. Both of her girls go to preschool 1/2 days. It really isn't a trust issue with her, it is control.

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