SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:19pm
Thanks. I agree that some kids are much easier to raise, and some aren't. Challenges are around every corner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:20pm
I would call the "enterprise" the mary kay corporation itself, not each individual salesperson.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:21pm

No I am not making it all about me. I am sticking to the debate at hand. Amazing how we can go on different topics.

I did say he would laugh at me if I asked? Where?

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:22pm

How many times would you like me to paste what you said? I'm not the only person who read your post and got from it that your DH would laugh at you if you asked him to help you by bringing the baby to you at night. You said it.

Define "calling DH all day". What is "all day" to you? A number of calls is fine.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:24pm

***If the baby started crying and you asked him to go and get the baby, would he roll over and laugh?***

He would laugh at me if I said...Go get the baby and bring her to me, she is crying. Then when I get done feeding her you get up again and take her back to bed. (And he had to be at work the next morning)

Now...If I were sick, or he didn't have to work the next day no he wouldn't laugh at me.

Just like I would laugh at him if he told me to get up and help him get ready for work at 5am because he was running late.

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:27pm

"WOuld you take issue if she was bitching about her DH to her girlfriends?"

Not relevant at all here.

"Maybe they can't afford paid help."

Again, you're making a LOT of assumptions on behalf of the father.

Nope, I don't have a teenager. Ask me in 12 years though and I can guarantee you I will never even think of comparing my situation with that of a mother of preemie twins. I've been around too many preemies and their families to even for a moment compare my stress with theirs. Apparently, for you, that is not the case.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:28pm
Like I have said before. My DH does get up with the baby on his days off and lets me sleep in. He also helps out around the house a lot more when we had newborns in the house. Just because he isn't getting up on the nights he is working doesn't mean he isn't picking up the slack with other things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:28pm
One of my aquaintences is studying Marine Biology...that sounds like what you're looking for.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:30pm
No I am not playing the martyr. My DH doesn't get up at night but like I said would get up in the mornings and let me sleep in. Not to mention the things he would do around the house that I didn't get to during the day. He picked up a lot of slack when our children were newborns.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:30pm
do we really have to go over this again - oprah doesnt say sah is the toughest job in the world but rather that being a mother is - but how someone who has never had kids would know im not sure.
why does one have to be denying or trying to escape from something to find it not difficult. and while i certainly realzie not everyone is going to have a teen like mine to relate my expereince is not false hope - it is my reality. we can make amything as difficult as we want that doesnt mean it is inherently difficult
Jennie

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