SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:31pm
Sorry ~ yes, I completely agree with you. Its a term that's overused way too much.
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:32pm

"I didn't say she didn't get up at night. Yet she was getting her DH to get up at night too. She is outnumbered but she isn't nursing twins."

Oh, but you did - until we pointed out to you that the OP recanted that statement.

I'm sorry, but you clearly have NO CLUE about 4 month old preemie twins. Again, adjusted age would make them in reality, much younger and much more needy. So let's see - babies are crying, let's go make some formula (something I'm not familiar with as I nursed my son for over 2 years) and leave them to cry while doing so. . . DH is still sleeping peacefully, right? Okay, then formula for 2 kids is done, go to the babies - which one gets held? Both? How? One before the other? Both crying? Both may need to get an oxygen treatment or something along those lines - both will need to be changed - wow, it's *really* simple for someone to do all of this on her own.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:35pm
Costs a lot more to eat out all of the time than it does to plan for hired help - also, many organizations have something called a flexible spending account through which you can pay for child care costs tax free. Last time I checked, most places don't have an "eat out because you're too lazy to help your wife when you get home" tax credit.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:36pm

You can say what you got. Doesn't mean that is what I said. I have never said if I requested help from my DH at night he would laugh at me. No matter how many times you post that here, it is not ever going to be true.

Calling my DH during the day more than once or twice unless I have a question or an emergency is not something that I do. When I WOH he knew not to call me unless he needed to, because it interfered with my job. If the children are sick, or I have an emergency then that is one thing. But to call him all day (like one poster said) once an hour for 5 minutes is way too much. That would be talking to him for almost 1 hour a day while he was on duty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:37pm

Okay well you may want to watch the words you use in these debates because the work "NEVER" is hard to stomach.

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:38pm

Did you look at the link I posted?

I'm guessing you like engineers because you've posted you want a lot of material wealth and engineers=wealth, is that the case?

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:40pm

***Not relevant at all here.***

Why not? Is it ok for her to complain to her friends about her DH but not ok for him to complain to his friends about her?

***Again, you're making a LOT of assumptions on behalf of the father.***

Did you miss the word *maybe*? I find this hilarious since you said that maybe they couldn't afford a pizza on a one income family.

***Apparently, for you, that is not the case.***

Well since I didn't compare raising a teen to caring for 4 month old premature twins. I believe I said that there were times taking care of a newborn that was very sick for a couple of months, and a 2 yr old, and a teenager was pretty close.

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:41pm
Check out the University of Rhode Island - has a very large, very beautiful school of Oceanography http://www.gso.uri.edu/index_msie_big.html institute, and Bob Ballard, the discoverer of the Titanic, is on faculty there.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:42pm
Makes you wonder how she does it all day long. I am guessing that she is got it figured out during the day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:43pm

So you think ordering a $12 pizza is more expensive than hired help? Are you serious?

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