SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:46pm

I have a great career - I help students figure out their future paths, figure out what concentration or major they may want to explore (so a little bit of academic advising) and then help them develop their tools (networking, resumes, cover letters, etc.) so that they can get to where they want to be (be it graduate school, jumping right into a career, or taking some time to do service based opportunities before either of those options).

That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

I love it - been doing it at the university level for about 6 years, privately for 2 beforehand.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:47pm
I didn't say he got up at night on his days off. I said he would get up with the baby in the mornings on his days off and let me sleep in. I also said I never needed his help at night. I know that saying you will never or you won't ever can bite you in the butt. However recalling the past of nursing my children during the night won't bite me in the butt. That is what happened. I will give you this one. All of my kids slept through the night at a very young age. By the 3rd or 4th month I was getting about a 6 hour stretch.
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:47pm

"The person that I am speaking of makes her DH get out of bed every night every time their baby cries to bring her the baby."

And you are in their bedroom every night witnessing this.

Maybe he enjoys co-parenting.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:48pm
they are if you try to turn every little thing into major event. there difficult moments but overall raising kids of any age is pretty simple
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:49pm
No...I am going on what she has told me. I have heard them fight about it. He does enjoy co parenting. However when he has to get up at 6am to go to work he doesn't enjoy getting up in the middle of the night.
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:50pm

Watch out, she's playing the insult card - see the other two monster threads for how that plays out.

*yawn*

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:52pm

Okay we have established that YOU NEVER had to ask him to get up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:53pm

I have no assumptions that dd will be easy as a teen. I certainly wasn't and I gave my parents heck. My mom said that ancient curse, "I hope you have a daughter just like you!". And she's getting the last laugh because, so far, dd is (I am told but don't remember) quite a lot like me. If she continues being like me when she is 16...oh my. (On the other hand, perhaps my wild youth was also penance for any aggravation my mom caused grandma when she was a teen.)

Part of what made me a difficult teen (for my mom, who was charged with dealing with these things back in the day, as it often fell 100% to moms) was that I was very secretive, sneaky and not prone to talking about ANYTHING with anybody but my peers. I was quite the clam when asked questions about anything and even bids to get info via the infamous "casual chat while in the car" didn't work. DD shows this tendency already. Albeit she's been through quite a bit of speech therapy and doesn't come through chatting naturally. But she is only 50% clam if the subject is something she likes (Hello Kitty) and 100% clam about subjects a little more charged ("what did you do in school?"). The odds of her being a teen clam are VERY high, since I was one myself, and I didn't even have any speech issues. She also shows early signs of sneakiness, something I'd raised to an art form by 16.

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:53pm

"Because he has told her countless numbers of times to let me watch the baby or her girls."

I thought it was really tough to watch three (so much that you thought it was pretty close to the equal of rearing twin 4 month old preemies), let alone four or five. I'm sorry, but I wouldn't thrust my kids on someone with three of her own - I wouldn't be confident for the safety of ANY of the kids with that ratio.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:54pm

She said yes or no. You are incapable of that apparently.

You're changing what you said and twisting it to suit you. You've lost.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03

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