SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:55pm
Wow I could probably use your help.

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:57pm

And the OP never said how many times she calls - perhaps 2 times per day is too much for his place of work, but to you, it's fine. That's why it's good to know the FACTS.

"I have never said if I requested help from my DH at night he would laugh at me."

You've been proven wrong time and time again on this. It's getting old and tired.

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:57pm

You never once needed his help in the middle of the night?

Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 1:59pm
It's a lot simpler (albeit still not easy in her situation) to get on a day schedule than to set an alarm to make sure you wake before the babies wake. But then, that would wake up the precious sleeping DH that you think shouldn't be disturbed.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:00pm
But since you nursed you still had to get up - so you're really 75/50 if you look at it.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:00pm

"by the 3rd or 4th month I was getting about a 6 hour stretch"

Nursing?

Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:01pm
No one enjoys it - it's part of raising kids though. He needs to deal.
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
Avatar for kerry88
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:02pm
Anytime :)
Kerry with Campbell Elizabeth 11.03.06 and Benjamin Brady 12.10.03
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:03pm

I think I may have a problem....(:p) nothing was a joke.

I love engineers. I really do think it's this exclusive club that only certain are allowed into. It's the most difficult undergraduate program at my university (I think). The majority of the people I've met who have been engineers, are the nicest, friendliest, most caring, and giving people I know.

I have to admit I'm am a very jelous person, and I am very jelous of that iron ring on their working pinky! I just have such respect for them, and I wish that I had taken Chemistry 12 so that I could have been an engineer - I could do it now, but I really don't think I could handle the pressures, but I have seriously looked into it.

so yeah...i'm weird.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 2:05pm
Yeah...that too :)

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