SAHM/WOHD Issue
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm |
My husband came home the other day with this story:
His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.
K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....
K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.
Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

Pages
So basically saying that your are accusing my DH of lying.
I already told you that I wasn't being snarky in my post. If I was being snarky...I would gladly admit it.
You never once needed his help in the middle of the night? Not ever. You never reached the end of your rope one night, couldn't calm the baby, and just had to turn it over? Wow. Color me impressed>>
Me too, I couldn't make it the first week on my own without asking for help. Dh was working nights and I ended up calling my landlady because my kids were screaming and I was clueless.
<<No he can't listen to all 3 at once.>>
Then why does the department issue all three?
PumpkinAngel
mea culpa. You are right. I just went and read the entire labor code and you are correct that as an exempt employee, your employer is not required to give you a lunch break.
In fact, an employer is not required to give a non-exempt employee a lunch break, either - it's just that if the employee is not completely relieved of duty for a 30 mintute period, the employer is required to pay them for the time.
***Like I said, perhaps it's your wording.**
Or perhaps your interpreting.
***It sounds like that your dh helped only when you couldn't handle the situation as when you were tired, sick or when he felt like you needed a break. Many of us think that their dh's should help regardless of need or capabilities of the mom.***
No that isn't true. What I did during the day when there wasn't a newborn in the house was different from what I did when there was one. My DH would cook, do dishes, cut grass, whatever didn't get done. I don't begrudge people for asking their DH for help if they need it at night, nor do I begrudge a DH for help if he needs it. However for me personally I felt better knowing that my DH was well rested while he was on duty.
***I'm not saying that isn't the case for you, I am just trying to say how your posts are coming across because of the wording you have chosen.***
Well I am not really sure how to word it otherwise.
If I would have asked him to go get the baby he would have. He would know that I needed him to help me. However me telling him to get up and go get the baby and bring her to me is controlling. Just like I have said all along. I personally feel that telling your spouse to get up go get a baby and bring them to you and then take them back to bed after you nursed is nothing but trying to control them. The woman I know feels that if she is up so should he be. I don't feel that way.
Does you or your DH like to be told by the other what to do? I can tell you that my DH doesn't tell me anything. If he wants me to do something he knows to ask me. It is called respect.
Pages