SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:22pm
Because all three have a purpose. They are used during different times. His computer is connected to dispatch and his radio is used to listen to dispatch and his other officers when they need to call him. The cell phone is used very often at home. If officers are sick, or his Lt or Capt need to reach him when he is off. He also uses the phone radio when a Sgt from another district needs to get in touch with him work related but non emergency.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:22pm

I can't imagine never needing my dh during the night.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:23pm
Then you post that you think he is giving me the yadda yadda yadda spiel was just pulled out of thin air eh? I really don't get it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:24pm
Then your post doesn't make sense.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:25pm

NEVER :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:26pm

So the fact that he has all three is totally irrelevant as a reason for him not receiving personal calls on the cell phone.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:29pm

There are times when I needed DH to help and I only have two.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:30pm

***What did you call your friend who wanted her dh to help at night? Controlling? Lazy?***

So you think telling her DH to get up at night because if she is awake he should be awake too is help?

*** It's the word need, I think as if the women can't ask for help until she needs it, versus the fact that he should be giving it regardless of need. ***

How does one know to help if they aren't asked? My DH knew that I would let him know if I couldn't handle something. He always took the children in the mornings on his days off downstairs so I could sleep in. I guess maybe in our home we all just kind of know what we do. I know that I cook dinner. I know that DH does dishes. I know that on his days off he does the kids baths, and on his days at work I do. If we waiver out of the routine we ask for help. My DH always knew that I would be the one to get up with the baby at night. That if I needed him to get up I would let him know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:32pm
Well my son stayed hungry. He was very ready to eat. None of them had reflux. I guess it depends on the ped. I have a friend that her ped doesn't want her to give baby food fruits until 1 year, and no peanut butter until 3 yrs. Just varies I guess.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:32pm
Good for him. I'm degreed in chemical engineering. It's been a long while since I've worked in process engineering though. What I've been doing fits better with mechanical engineering but that's fine because I like physics almost as much as I like chemistry.

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