SAHM/WOHD Issue

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
SAHM/WOHD Issue
1289
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:35pm

My husband came home the other day with this story:

His coworker, J and J's wife, K just had a set of twins born via in-vitro after 17 years of marriage and infertility. Anyway, the end of the pregnancy was difficult and K was on bedrest and the babies were born (I think) 6 weeks early - one of them had to stay in the hospital for 2 weeks after birth. OK - that's the background.

K got a lot of attention during pregnancy - not being able to move around on her own. Now the babies are 4 months old, but although she is a SAHM, she expects (yes, expects) J to leave work every day at 4. That's the normal time, but at times they are required to work overtime if something has broken and needs to be fixed before the next shift comes in. According to my husband, J comes home every night and fixes dinner, washes bottles, takes care of the babies, and then gets up with them in the middle of the night. The only time K is bothered with them is during the day when she's home alone. (I know, this account is how J related it to my husband, so the story is probably more one-sided than the situation really is.) And K may have post-partum depression and that can explain needing J so much....

K's mom and sister both lives within a halfmile of her and can come to help with the babies, but she expects J to leave work everyday at 4 to do it. She also calls a lot during the day. Anyway, the other day something had broken and J needed to stay past 4, but he tried to leave - my husband's and J's boss told J that he needed to decide what is more important - him taking care of those babies or him working to provide for those babies? Sounds to me like J's job is starting to be in jeopardy and he makes pretty good money for the area of the country we live in. Replacing that income would be very hard.

Just wanted to see what y'all thought about this.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:56pm

Didn't you read what I posted? She wasn't asking him to help out. She exected him to match her hour per hour WRT child care.

Every other day works out fine. One of the drops the kids off to day care and the other picks them up. Then they each get a block of time every other weekend. The kids aren't in school so there's no coordining school work and activities.

I didn't think this was an unusual arrangement. It's the same arrangement my SIL has with her ex. One drops them off from school and the other picks them up from latch key and then they take every other weekend. It's been that way for them for going on 8 years now and works fine.

Why do you think every other day would be an issue?

As to his girlfriend helping when he works weekends, why not? Their mother isn't going to take them if it's not her "turn" and weekend day care is hard to find. He has to find someone to watch them if he has to work the weekend.




Edited 7/19/2006 6:06 pm ET by kbmammm
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:02pm

What's the difference between you calling him and it being a work call that makes it relevant as a reason?


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:07pm
Exactly, by my getting some help from my husband (ie the two of us making certain that neither of us missed too much sleep) we were ALL safer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:16pm
I never said a cop couldn't take a personal call from home. So I wont debate this issue since I didn't say it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:20pm

You are right...different families do different things. However doesn't mean it isnt controlling.

****Quite easy. You watch, you anticipate....I don't need to be asked in order to give help all the time. I see someone in need and I give aid.****

We just do things differently. Unless it is obvious to the other we ask for what we want or need. I don't expect him to be psychic nor does he me.

*** You just asked me how someone would know to give help without being asked. Do you ask him to do this or did he do it own his own?***

He isn't helping me. It is just something that he does. It is like I said in another post. We just sort of have our routine here. I know what I do and he knows what he does. If it steers off course we ask the other for help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:21pm
Again I didn't say you were wrong. I just clearly said that your situation is very different from mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2003
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:24pm
3 out of 4 of mine went through a very strong Daddy phase.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:25pm
if as you claim, she changes her message to pander to her audience why on earth would you put any stock in what she says. i watch oprah quite a bit and have NEVER heard her say sah is the toughest job in the world. and i rarely find anything surprising about her shows they are typical talk show entertainment
Jennie
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:26pm

<>


So why does it mean it is controlling or lazy as you have stated?

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2006
In reply to: jen1098
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:26pm
Oprah used to be so great! She's starting to get annoying though, always cutting people off.

Pages