SAH/WOH affect relationship with dad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2007
SAH/WOH affect relationship with dad?
11
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 6:30pm

I'm new to the board but I thought I'd pose this question as a jumping off point.

In your experience/opinion... is the bond or relationship between a dad that WOH and his child benefitted or hurt by having a wife or partner that SAH or WOH. Or does it make no difference?

For example: Has a SAHM already spent enough quality time with the child during the day to allow evenings or weekends to be quality time with dad? Or is the bond between SAHM and child so strong it pushes dad out?

On the flip side, does a child whose both parents WOH have more equal quality time? Or do they just get less quality time with each parent all around? Or is free time with child dominated by mom anyway?

What do you think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 8:09pm

Ask your question to yourself--if your mom was a sahm, how did that affect your relationship with your dad? And vice versa.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 9:10pm
I don't think that work status has anything to do with it. I think what helps facilitate a good relationship between a father is his children is for the mother to step out of the way and let it happen. There are some woman who feel that they have to be in control of the household and children because "I have to, he doesn't do it right". Those woman come from both camps.
Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 9:38pm

this is totally not an answer to your question but it does show you how the mind of a divorced mom works a little differently -- I saw your question and thought..."well gee...my dad's been dead for nearly 18 years... so how would whether I work or stay home affect my relationship with him?" LOL!!! It never once occurred to me that you meant my CHILD's dad!

but um... he works full time and my dd is with him every other week and with me every other week (a true 50/50 split) and I work full time and she seems completely happy in both houses...

 

Yes. We. Did.

Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 12:34am
Well my DH is a SAHD. And it has nothing but a positive effect for all of us.
For me, given I WOH very very full time -- I know that our children are with one of us, in the best care they could be, and, I don't have to worry about appointments for the kids, house stuff, etc. as he takes care of much of that too.
on the flip side, I tend to take the kids all day Saturday and Sunday morning, then we spend together time as a family Sunday. I also get plenty of QT time with the kids sometimes before and almost always after work.
His relationship with them is very strong, but so is mine. And his doesnt "push" me out, or vise versa. Its all good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 9:26am

Welcome to the board!

I think it depends entirely on the dad and the child and their respective natures. Once kids are in school, their lives are less defined by their relationships with mom and dad anyway, and by that time their time spent with each parent is more equalized, regardless of the mom's work status.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 11:45am
i can only speak for what i saw when i went from wohm to sahm. my dh spends less time with the kids with me as a sahm, he no longer takes off work to stay with the kids if the kids are sick, if there is a doctors appointment, if there is a school vacation, if there is a snow day, etc..... he also has the flexibility to stay late at work if he needs to which he didnt have when he was responsible for picking the kids up from daycare at a set time. and this is just how it worked fom my family, im sure there are a million different ways it works for other families.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 12:13pm
My WOH FT, including the fact that I travel for work, and the high amount of leave my DH gets (I don't get sick leave and he gets sick leave he can use for the boys' appointments),

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 2:13pm
I've had the same experience. When I SAH, I do most of the running around of kids, doctor appointments, etc. It's just more logical to do it that way -- I'm not doing anything else, and DH only makes money when he is billing. So it does take more of the kid stuff away from DH and makes him a bit less in touch with their daily lives. Personally, I don't like this dynamic as much as when we are both WOH, but there are other factors to consider and having an ideal dynamic can only happen when life is ideal.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 7:06pm

My DH currently WAH and I'm a SAHM, so we get PLENTY of time all together as a family. But when DH was WOH, I think my SAH gave him more fun time with the kids, but he definitely spent less time taking care of them.

I don't think it's much of a WOH/SAH issue, I think it depends on the dad and his priorities.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 8:06pm

for me growing up,i think my bond with my sahm was much stronger in earlier years. but as time went on,i sort of rebelled because i felt she was around too much. not that i swaped the closer bond with dad or anything. i think as kids grow and develop,so do bonds per se. after i married,my bond with my mother grew again tremendously.

i don't think my kids are deprived of any sort of bond with their daddy because he woh..and that bond with him is night and day different than with me.

 

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