SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs
1037
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 12:54pm

I was just at the gym this morning and overheard a conversation between two women on treadmills who were discussing/debating as to whether married sahms were any more or less likely to have affairs than married wohms.

I thought it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 4:56pm
But how else do you reconcile it? If two different people are put into the same situation ... married to a jerk, extremely unhappy in their relationship, sexually frustrated, thinking about divorce but haven't taken action yet ... and are both put in a position of having a weekend business trip with someone of the oppostie sex that is extremely attractive, they they like, etc etc ... Why does person A cheat but person B doesn't unless there it is some personality trait/characteristic? or some differential in morals and values?

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 4:59pm

I don't think anyone has said that its "normal" to prefer celibacy, but that doesn't make one who does mentally unbalanced or not fine. It just means they are different.


Further, I do think

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 5:02pm

She may very well not be perfectly fine. You have no way of knowing if she has felt the need or desire to have sex. I was quite surprised to learn that my great aunt, who was widowed at the age of 48, was having sex with a neighbor 20 years later. Nobody had any idea - until she was on her death bed. You really don't ever know what is going on in the lives of even those closest to you - you certainly don't know what is going on in their hearts and minds.

Nick

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 5:03pm

You're obviously not understanding.

If you're "perfectly fine" with not having sex for a long period of time, you don't have frustration over it and you're a-ok with the situation as it is. You aren't bothered in the least by the lack of sex.

It has nothing to do with having an affair (or "getting ones rocks off with the washing machine repairman") or not - it has to do with how one *feels* about not having sex. Either you're "perfectly fine" with it (i.e. couldn't care less that you aren't having sex) or you're NOT "perfectly fine" with it (i.e. it frustrates and/or bothers you that you aren't having sex.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 5:04pm

Is your name seriously Susy???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 5:08pm

A different personality or character trait does not equal flaw. Because I would have sex with another man if my husband dies, means that virgo and I are different people - with different personalities. Does not mean that I am flawed and she is not.

Nick

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 5:12pm
You do know if they tell what is in their hearts and minds.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 5:14pm

Ummm yeah. YOU are the one that miscomprehended. Virgo said that because she is perfectly fine with the idea of lack of sex, she wouldn't feel the need for sexual fulfillment outside her current marriage.


She did NOT say (as you seem to have confused yourself into thinking) that her not wanting to have another sexual relationship is what made her perfectly fine.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 5:14pm
What about if you were the incapacitated one? I'm not in that situation, so I can't know for sure, but I think I would probably take FDE's position and encourage DH to have sex outside the marriage.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 5:15pm

Uh no ... but if your husbands died it wouldn't be cheating.


If you would have an EMA and Virgo wouldn't, then you have a personality/character that allows (does not

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

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