SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs
1037
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 12:54pm

I was just at the gym this morning and overheard a conversation between two women on treadmills who were discussing/debating as to whether married sahms were any more or less likely to have affairs than married wohms.

I thought it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 3:21pm

Or could it be ...


<< marital problems originate far more often because one partner DECREASES the output , unfairly saddling an unsuspecting spouse with decreased availablility.>>


Your post assumes that sex issues in a marriage are actually SEX issues. Usually the sex issue is only a symptom of a larger problem ... a problem that involves BOTH spouses.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 3:24pm

Why? Where? How? How does that have anything to do with marriage vows? Those vows that proclaim "for better or for worse"? Would worse not be "oh well, can't really stand to touch him/her...but its part of marriage....guess the "for worse" part".

Besides. In reality, its totally impractical. Its like saying a meal should always be prepared for the pleasure of the whole family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 3:34pm
The question at hand is, who is more likely to have an affair - sahm or wohm.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 3:36pm
Lets face it, people take their sex lives to their graves with them. You really don't know what any of those women were or were not doing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 3:37pm

Sex SHOULD ALWAYS be for the pleasure of both parties. That's what distinguishes sex between two consenting adults from rape.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 3:39pm
I answered that question ... ages ago. About 500 posts ago.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 3:39pm
Sex issues in a marriage can originate from many sources. And sex issues can generate other problems. Sex issues can be, first and foremost, actually sex issues. An adult who unilaterally decides to decrease sexual invovlement, for whatever reason, is very likely going to generate a decrease in output of lots of things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 3:58pm
I already did. I have know quite a few people to have affairs as a way of enabling themselves to stay in the sexless, loveless marriage that was so desirable for the spouse and children. The alternatives having been depression, divorce or suicide for the person in question - all these options judged "less good" for the family. The ideal for the suffering person was not affair on the side of marriage - but divorce.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 4:02pm
I would think that most adults would be unhappy without a satisfying sex life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 4:54pm

So do you have this sexual desire for anyone with whom you have an emmotional bond and connection, male and female alike, regardless of the nature of the relationship?

I don't know about you, but I discovered my sex drive way back in the days when the people with whom I had emmotional bonds and connections were all family members and girl friends. The sex drive, however, was directed most definitely at other targets, none of with whom I had any emmotional bond or connection. I merely imagined some sort of passable connection, which at one point was not alot more than "he wants me as much as I want him".

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