SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs
1037
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 12:54pm

I was just at the gym this morning and overheard a conversation between two women on treadmills who were discussing/debating as to whether married sahms were any more or less likely to have affairs than married wohms.

I thought it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 5:52am

I agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 6:29am
Yes, I read the post where you further clarified what you meant after I posted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 6:46am

I think that any time making sex feels comparable to going to the dentist then a spouse should be able to say, "not tonight", that is not pleasure that is a chore.

Does being married mean that you have to make sex absolutely everytime your spouse wants to? No. Does being married mean sometimes having sex when you would not have initiated it? yes.

There is a big difference between not being in the mood and equating it to going to the dentist.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 7:59am

ITA.


Df tells me all the time "I'd rather wait it you're not that into it. I want and need you at 100%." (isn't he sweet?)


when it feels like

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 9:35am
Sex as a chore is the price everyone should be willing to pay in order to remain their spouses only sex option. Unfortunately, interest doesn't wax and wane only on a nightly basis. The personal lives of which I'm aware - mine and many others - go through phases - phases which can last days, weeks, months and years. Anyone who wants the marriage even while going through a phase that boasts low sexual interest, and any other problems, should really be willing to accept sex as a chore during those times.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 9:51am
I refuse to accept sex as a chore. I will not relegate something so important, so passionate to the level of cleaning a toilet.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:07am
I believe its entirely possible to overdo the meaning of sex. Its really just the means to the procreation end. Its biologically a polygmaous drive, which tends to thrive on variety and excitement. But there can be some really nice side effects, anyway, when things are going well between two people who have decided to give up the whole variety aspect. I believe the willingness to accept sex as a chore is often the difference between a marriage that suffers an affair during a tought time, and one that doesn't. If I ever found myself in a marital situation where sex had become a chore, I wasn't willing to accept the chore, but I still wanted to try to hold onto the marriage, I'd consider myself to be incredibly selfish for staying in that marriage with that intention. I'd have to offer to leave, no blame assigned to my partner, or give my partner the option of finding sex elsewhere temporarily. I put it up there with a situatin where I just didn't love my partner and didn't know if I ever would again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:14am
He's very sweet. Are you very sweet in return? Can you offer it up just to keep him happy? I'm pretty darn sure most people prefer sex with an interested partner. But as with food, you can need some and benefit from eating even if it isn't your favourite dish. I doubt many people need the interest to be 100% in order to enjoy sex. And if they really do...they are a bit, I don't know - needy and dependant? I'd worry about my husband if he were always like that. Sometimes, sure. But as a way of life? Nah. I'd feel pretty burdened if I thought his enjoyment rested squarely on my shoulders. I'd also wonder if I were doing anything to make the experience particularily unpleasant when I wasn't squarely in the mood.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:20am
Children lie to save their own skins, when they judge the lie stands a good chance of accomplishing that tend. Much as adults do. As people get older and gain experience, they judge the lie to be likely to achieve that saving skin end a whole lot less often. And they gain some experience with the ongoing overhead of maintaining a lie too...making the option less attractive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:25am
I was joking.

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