SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs
1037
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 12:54pm

I was just at the gym this morning and overheard a conversation between two women on treadmills who were discussing/debating as to whether married sahms were any more or less likely to have affairs than married wohms.

I thought it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 8:52pm
I think there is a difference between thinking of sex as a chore (on occasion) and being badgered or pressured into sex. You could consider it a chore without having first been (mentally or verbally) pummeled into submission. And just because you thought of it as a chore doesn't mean you didn't feel good about doing it. Not everyone hates every chore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 9:00pm

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Then we are in agreement. But I've been told, repeatedly, that wives should always do it when the man wants to .. even if it feels like a chore. I disagree.

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color.  Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:16pm

"But I do think your situation is somewhat unusual ..."


In what respect?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 11:08pm
She's at the beginning of a sexual relationship at an age being close to that of when women reach their sexual prime. She's in a sexual relationship with a man who went a long time without sex (so therefore, he isn't some kind of sexual hound dog with an unusually high sex drive and he has already demonstrated a certain level of self-control with his sexuality), who is in the age category of no longer being in his sexual prime. She is not looking at being pregnant, breastfeeding, suffering from any post-pregnancy hormone or weight/self-image issues anytime in the future. Her children are old enough to feed themselves, get dressed, and spend considerable time without her direct attention. She also is the beneficiary of child-free weekends and/or weeks throughout the year when her children are in the custody of her ex or others. There doesn't seem to be ANY factors that exist for her that would contribute to her having a low sex drive (unless she naturally has always had a low sex drive). That is what I would consider somewhat unusual.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:03am

But I think that maybe you are putting a negative connotaion on the word "chore". If your relationship is a good one, you don't mind doing the "chore", if it is a bad relationship then you may. I can certainly understand wanting to prevent a relationship from getting to the point where giving of yourself (for anything not just sex) is a chore as in something you dread or are just not willing to do.

Yes, I think we are in agreement - semantics aside.

Nick

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 10:19am

No trying involved.

Its about the same way people manage to id pms in other people. Same benefit, or lack thereof, in being able to id it, I suppose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 10:26am
I'm not sure what to say here. Is math just not a strong point? Or, considering what I read in the "children performing oral sex thread", could I conclude that you expect children to reach sexual maturity, the point where they not only have discovered how to make their own bodies feel good (in an appropriate and timely manner, not prematurely), but have also progressed to the point where they experience true biochemically driven attraction and desire for sexual interaction and realease with another human being (in an appropriate and timely manner, not prematurely)- at about, what - 40?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 10:32am
As far as we know, she's familiar with one mature sexual relationship which lasted any time at all. Which means, she really doesn't know yet, what parts of what she experienced in her first relationship were typical in a long term relationship, and which were not. She doesn't seem to have realized that typical long term relationships have ebbs and flows that aren't defined in terms of mere days or weeks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 10:34am

No, you could conclude from the the thread concerning the child trying out oral sex, that I think that children who are sexually molested can become sexualized prematurely, and that I think true wisdom, the kind that does not involve a know-it-all attitude, comes with maturity, which comes with age. Immature *wisdom* involves a know-it-all attitude that is condescending and often inaccurate.

Nick

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 10:38am
Nah. I didn't have kids out from the middle of my first long term loving, sexual, adult relationship. Nor my second. The thrill of the new and exciting is the thrill of the new and exciting. Things change and relationships happen, sex drives in general, and attraction to partners specifically, eb and flow, kids or no kids. And the ebs and flows just don't happen on the sort of day-to-day basis that would be supportive of a realistic sex life, this side of invoking the chore thing. At a certain point everybody just has to get over the fantasy idea of sex...or its going to be a nice roadblock in any relationship.

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