SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs
1037
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 12:54pm

I was just at the gym this morning and overheard a conversation between two women on treadmills who were discussing/debating as to whether married sahms were any more or less likely to have affairs than married wohms.

I thought it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:22pm
Sex can destroy a relationship when its on the fritz, is the actual point. Regardless of why its on the fritz. And make it impossible to fix. How can you, on one hand, claim that you giving in to sex when you didn't want to, made your relationship problems worse, unless you also accept that your ex not getting sex when he wanted to also made your relationship problems worse? At some point, in a relationship, with sex and other things, people have to get past the whole her vs him thing...and start thinking of things they do as things they do for themselves, in order to feed a relationship they want. Especially when the relationship is having trouble and those things are difficult to do willingly. Who cares about when the relationship is good...everything is easy then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:36pm
Its both and its also something that can make other unrelated problems worse. When its added as side battle in its own right, it also tends to get added as a fully loaded weapon used in other areas of the battle field.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 2:41pm

I see things the same way you do, and I've been in this relationship for 14 years. So I don't think it's necessarily related to the newness of a relationship.

99% of the time I've "given in," I've ended up having a pretty darned nice time, anyway, so I've never, ever considered sex a chore, unless you count our two bouts of infertility -- infertility is a huge buzzkill sexually, IMO. In fact, those experiences might be part of why we are so insistent on keeping things as un-chorelike as possible nowadays.

Maybe it's also because DH and I have a similar sex drive? I don't know. But you're not the only one out there who's careful to treat sex, well, carefully.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 8:31pm
I disagree, just because one partners libido has fallen off it does not mean that they are no longer functioning as partners. This is especially true if the reason for the fallen libido is heath or hormone related. With many chronic diseases there a bad days, ok days and good days. Spouses who are partners working together can work within those limits. Meaning hands off on a bad day, something may be possible on an ok day and the door is open on a good day. It may mean one partner giving in more than they would like to and the other partner not getting as much as they would like but they are still a partnership.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 8:57am
That's what I was thinking. Are they paying her to boff the neighbor or to take care of the kid? My other concern is that if the Nanny would disrespect my household by doing such a thing, what else would she do? What happens if/when the love affair with the neighbor fizzles out...what other *characters* would she invite into my home? I'd be looking for a new Nanny. The whole situation would just creep me out! lol

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 9:15am
I would have to believe that women who stay at home have more opportunity and motivation to cheat. They sometimes just get bored. Often a SAHW has a spouse who earns a good salary but works many hours, leaving her feeling neglected. My guess is that at least 75% of all extra-marital affairs are with housewives...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 9:18am
I also think the Internet changed the landscape of the demographics of extra-marital affairs. Before the Internet I think it would have been much more difficult for a SAHP to meet others outside of their normal social circles...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 9:35am

<<>>

That's probably true for me as well.

<<>>

Have you ever watched Dave Chappelle? He has a skit that's a commercial for a timer to tell people when they need to "get it over with already." A guy pulls it out on a date when his girlfriend is telling him a long, boring story. Then she pulls it out when they're in bed together. We thought that might come in handy for me on occasion ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2004
Thu, 02-24-2005 - 2:14pm
I havent read this whole thread but I think that working women would be more likely to cheat because they are not so financially dependant on their husband. If a sahm cheated- she could be thrown out on the street with no where to go. Either way cheating is wrong but it would be really stupid if you were not working to bite the hand that feeds you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Sat, 02-26-2005 - 8:51am

>>Either way cheating is wrong but it would be really stupid if you were not working to bite the hand that feeds you.<<

Interesting view of a SAHM. But it seems to me that while I may not bring in actual cash, my services are worth quite a bit to my dh, as well. Try hiring someone to do your FT childcare, laundry service, shopping service, personal entertainment scheduling, house cleaning, and personal financial planning. That may give some insight into which hand is feeding whom. Besides, I am not incapable of work, I am just not currently employed in a FT job. Not to say I'm having an affair, just saying, I think both WOHMs and SAHMs have an equal amount to lose. It has nothing to do with work status, as to who would lose more.

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