SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
SAH/WOH--extramarital affairs
1037
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 12:54pm

I was just at the gym this morning and overheard a conversation between two women on treadmills who were discussing/debating as to whether married sahms were any more or less likely to have affairs than married wohms.

I thought it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on this.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 5:08pm

You seem to be contradicting yourself.

If it is true that in a marriage there is no thing as his and hers money, all money belongs equally to both.

Then "unless you are living off money you made prior to SAH, you are financially dependent on your dh's income" is not true.

A true statement would be you are financially dependent on the families income. Any income coming into the family equally belongs to both partners and it does not matter what the breakdown is of how the money came into the family. A dual WOH couple are dependent on the families income and a SAH/WOH couple are dependent on the famiies income.

"In a marriage where the choice between both partners involves one of them SAH, how does the other partner legitimately claim ownership of the money (over all possessive claims of the unemployed partner)?"

If that is correct then how is it his income, isn't it family income?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2004
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 5:29pm
Good point and bad choice of words on my part.

Karen

"A pocketknife is like a melody;
sharp in some places,
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 6:48pm

I haven't seen the post to which you are referring, but had an experience with it this week.


In my algebra class (well, before, we all get there pretty early) one of the students (in his early 30s I'd say) came in talking about his brand new Mustang 2005 that he is soooo proud of (I agree, NICE car).

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 7:40pm

One thing that those with the "my" money don't take into account is that a debt is a legal responsibilty of both partners in a marriage. If she would be legally responsible for that debt then shouldn't she be equally responsible for the decision to incur that debt.

It the same issue when someone says that a SAHM pays no income tax. When I was a SAHM I had the same legal responsibility to make sure that the taxes were paid on our family income as my DH had. The fact that I did not personally make that income made no difference. If I had an equal responsibilty for the taxes on that income then the income was equally mine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 10:17pm
Because the money isn't earned by the SAHP.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 10:22pm

So you NEVER eat lunch out and you gave up the housekeeper?

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 10:38pm
I have often stated "we get paid on the first" or 15th or whatever.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 11:04pm

When you think of it as the family income, what is so wrong with saying, "We get paid on the 15th and 30th?"

Are you going to jump all over men who say things like, "We had a baby last month?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 11:20pm

How can you be surprised that stuff like that occasionally goes unchallenged, especially if it did come from PNJ? For those of us who DO like to point out the fallacies and misguided notions and do some damage control on behalf of the SAHMs of the world, we really have our work cut out for us. Sometimes we just have to let some of the stuff go by, especially if we are tired and just not up to explaining how a functional marriage works in our world. There is something so very frustrating about describing (time and time again) how your marriage works to someone who holds what seem to be such completely opposing attitudes and has a completely different working definition of a healthy and thriving marriage, that *I* find I really need to be in just the right mood to undertake such an endeavor.

I guess life is too short to debate it every time it shows up here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 6:25am

If that pay check belongs to only the WOHP then why is a SAHP able to get credit based on that income only. When I was a SAHM I applied for and received a credit card in my name only even though I had no personal income. In the income block I wrote in the family income, (just like I do now). The reason I was able to receive that credit was because by law the family's income was also my income even though I personally did not make it.

You have it backwards, its not:

"If he or she considers all of his or her money the family's money, fine, no issue. But in point of fact, it's not."

its:

If someone want to consider the money they make to be only theirs, fine, no issue. But point of fact, its not. It is family income.




Edited 2/28/2005 7:41 am ET ET by texigan

Pages