SAH/WOH: It's always a choice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
SAH/WOH: It's always a choice
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 3:11pm

Hi All,

I'm new to this board and totally fascinated by the WOH/SAH debate.

Penn Girl


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 4:17pm

"And if you really feel like you have no other choice than to work (that you need the money), I encourage you to really explore whether this is true. "

When I was a single mom, it was true. It's not ALWAYS a choice.

melissajune21.jpg picture by ambersspace


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 4:38pm


Community Leader
Registered: 02-06-2006
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 4:42pm

Everything is a choice.


Avatar for rollmops2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-24-2009
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 4:51pm
I think ALL people, single or married, male or female, old or young, parents or childless should be mindful that however grim things may be they do always have some kind of choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 5:11pm



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 8:05pm

You are right in that it is a choice--for both parents. On the other hand, the alternative to my working are not all that attractive or realistic. If I don't work, it's not that we couldn't pay the mortgage but that we will be evicted for non payment of rent by the landlord and end up on the street or in a shelter (assuming we could find room that would allow us to stay together as a family). It wouldn't be just one family on the streets but 2 as our oldest dd and her family live with us. There are more reasons than just the monetary one for a 2 income family. There is also living near extended family. We live in the same city as my sister, my parents, my 2nd dd and her family. My dh's widowed mom (83 at the end of the month) still lives on her own despite a bad heart and 2 stays in the hospital in the last 8 months. We live 10 minutes from her. There is no way that she will willingly move out of her house. So we are "stuck" here. Besides, moving also costs money and there is no guarantee that dh or I would find comparable jobs (both in terms of salary and in terms of flexibility and fringe benefits) elsewhere. A lower COL area also translates into lower salaries and benefits.

I've done both--sahm and wohm. Right now I'm a ft wahm and pt wohm. If one spouse wants to be a sahp and the family can support that decision, then go for it. If both spouses want to work, regardless of both incomes are needed, then go for that. Whatever works for each family. Just don't tell me that my son is going to be somehow damaged because he went to dc and his sisters didn't.


The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 8:13pm
I dunno. I bring in 100% of the income. I'm the only adult human in the household. Granted math isn't my strong suit, but still it seems to add up to "Kitty, you have to work."



The horrifying consequences of underaged
baking cannot be overstated.--me, because there's nothing you can't learn from teh



"If you can't annoy somebody with what you write, I think there's little point in writing."-- Kingsley Amis, British novelist, 1971 t .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2009
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 8:23pm
Well I"m a single mom -- but I love what I do -- so for me it was the choice to continue to be happy. Happy at work and (relatively) happy at a mom -- (hey it's taken me 10 years to warm up to this gig but I"m getting there -- once that dreaded awful baby toddler phase was over I did better LOL )
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2009
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 8:54pm
Just a question, but I thought I should ask it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-1999
Wed, 07-15-2009 - 12:56am

I agree-I think everything is a choice.