SAH/WOH: It's always a choice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
SAH/WOH: It's always a choice
329
Tue, 07-14-2009 - 3:11pm

Hi All,


I'm new to this board and totally fascinated by the WOH/SAH debate.

Penn Girl

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 4:19pm
Agreed, it isn't that simple. I think most people lean one way or the other, but there are many issues to to take into consideration. I don't know anyone who sah or woh just because she "wants to."
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 4:38pm

Everyone's family situation is different, of course, but I couldn't imagine choosing either WOH or SAH based solely on what I wanted. Decisions that affect the entire family should be made with the entire family in mind.

What I want is certainly a factor, but it's far from the only or most important one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2009
Thu, 07-16-2009 - 11:08pm

Can I just say that you sound an awful lot like me? I haven't read all the replies yet--just the OP--but I want to say that you sound a lot like me in that you sound like the type of person that absolutely HATES being forced into ANYTHING! That's perfectly fine, IMNSHO, as it means that you're a lot more likely to stand up for what you believe in and perservere when everyone tells you to give it up. But I think that you found a wonderful method for managing your own idiosyncracies. Since you positively hate being forced into anything, you have changed your thought process about the situation to find a way to make it your choice. Rather than going back to work FT like everyone tried to force you to do, you pushed for a PT option.


What I'm trying to say is that not everyone has a choice, but you would've been an emotional wreck if you felt that someone forced you into WOH. It was easier for you to frame it in terms of your personal choice. That's fine. But it's dishonest to say that everyone has a choice. I had an ex-DH that was a military man and would often deploy for months at a time on a 12-hour notice. If I tried to work a "regular" job, it would be virtually impossible for me. Back then, two of my children would've needed full-day childcare and another would've needed after-school care--that would've costed about $600 a month MORE than I could've earned, and with his variable schedule, I could never count on him to share part of the childcare. We couldn't afford the $600 a month loss we would've taken for me to go back to work, so I HTSAH. We didn't have a choice. Likewise, there are many parents out there who are single parents, or couples who have sick parents to tend to--WOH might not always be a choice for them, either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 12:43am

It's just not that simple. I love my work; so much that I sometimes spend up to 60 hours a week doing it. I'd work even if we didn't need my paychecks. It just happens that my working also means that dh can pursue the job/career that he wants and is best suited for. So my working benefits me, dh, our marriage, and, by extension, our children.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 9:30am

Sometimes the decision may be about one person but the consequences benefit all involved.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 10:15am

Of course, but as part of a family you consider the consequences for everyone. Eg in your case, you want to work and that works out best for your whole family. In hdantle's situation (I think), she wants to work but it's totally impractical for her situation, so she doesn't, because it doesn't work for the family as a whole.


There's another lady on here with a disabled daughter, who would have preferred WOH but must SAH because of her child's needs.


I think I'm safe in saying that if your family HAD to have you at home, you would be SAH :o)


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 11:21am

Yes, that would be safe to say.


PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2006
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 1:28pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 1:55pm

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That's been my experience with people IRL. When someone asks "so, what do you do?", I usually hear people respond either with their job title or that they are a SAHM. I don't hear people launch into their reasons for it unless the conversation goes deeper.

It makes sense to discuss our reasons for it on a SAH/WOH debate board, but not in real life, so I'm glad that you no longer feel the urge to qualify your work status.














iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Fri, 07-17-2009 - 1:55pm

who is speaking (secretly or not) for every mom in the world?

 

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