SAH/WOH - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
SAH/WOH - Why?
3166
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 7:41am

I am sure this has been done before but I was wondering this in light of recent posts lately.

Why did you decide to sah/woh?

Was it a choice or something expected of you?

Was your plan to sah/woh though out or impulsive? Long-term or short-term?

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Avatar for myshkamouse
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 10:15am

"I must say that myself nor my DH have ever been angry when we spank our children. I guess mad would be a good word."

Okay I'm honestly confused. What is the difference between angry and mad?
If you are mad, you risk being out of control, or more violent than you should be. At least I would. Hence one of the many reasons I'd never spank my children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 10:27am

He's 10.5 now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 10:31am

While I am a *firm* believer in natural consequences, it isn't possible to stick to that theory 100%. Sometime the natural consquences aren't a deterrent to the child. Sometimes there are no natural consequences. Sometimes the natural consequences end up "punishing" the wrong party.

The belief in, and use of, natural consquences as a main disciplinary style, does not 100% preclude the belief that sometimes a spanking just works better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2005
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 10:34am
After reading all the "you're an awful, failed parent if you spank" posts, I'm glad to read this one. It is well-though out and sensible. Sure, a parent who spanks *may* have had a failing moment (notice I said *may*), but so what? Don't we all fail to be the perfect parents at times? Don't we all make mistakes? I think it is perfectly *okay* and *normal* and *expected* for parents to "fail" at times. And failing at times doesn't mean one is a failure as a parent.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 10:36am
No, I think I understand you perfectly. You're a very authoritarian parent. Everything you've said here is consistent with that. Your kids have to do what you say, "like it or not." You wouldn't allow your kids to make a bad choice and learn from it. That's not the premise of natural and logical consequences, which is about kids learning to take responsibility for their own decisions from a young age. That way when they're teens and you can't "make" them do what you want, they know how to make responsible decisions on their own.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 10:38am
What will your teens do when they don't have anyone to tell them what to do and what to think?
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 12:25pm

"While I am a *firm* believer in natural consequences, it isn't possible to stick to that theory 100%. Sometime the natural consquences aren't a deterrent to the child. Sometimes there are no natural consequences. Sometimes the natural consequences end up "punishing" the wrong party."

Sometimes it just requires more creativity. If there are no natural consequences, or the natural consequences don't work, or they end up punishing the wrong person, you have to come up with another consequence

I don't think anybody has to follow one parenting theory all of the time, even if it is their main disciplinary practice. I use other tactics in conjunction with natural consequences when they add something, but I don't spank my kids. I don't think spanking kids teaches them anything useful or prepares them for the real world. Spanking may be easier for the parent, but imo, that isn't "better."

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 12:27pm

Yep; it's hard sometimes.

Do a lot of kids that age in Sweden have their own cell phones?

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 12:33pm
I think the other reason our society tends to view spanking as okay is because historically, children have always had fewer rights than adults (and at one time were basically the property of their parents).
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 12:42pm

As ds repeatedly reminded me for a good portion of this year, he was the last one in his class to get a cell phone :-).

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