SAH/WOH - Why?
Find a Conversation
SAH/WOH - Why?
| Mon, 02-20-2006 - 7:41am |
I am sure this has been done before but I was wondering this in light of recent posts lately.
Why did you decide to sah/woh?
Was it a choice or something expected of you?
Was your plan to sah/woh though out or impulsive? Long-term or short-term?

Pages
What is not analogous is the RELATIONSHIP. Parents are responsible for the caretaking of children and teaching them how to do/not do certain things. Some parents find that spanking teaches their children to do/not do certain things. Bosses, on the other hand, are not responsible for making sure that their employees learn how to do/not do certain things- they are merely responsible for making sure that certain things get done. If the employees don't/do these things, the boss can cut them loose.
The reason it's not working to try to make analogies between parent>child discipline and adult>adult discipline is because the relationships are not even remotely similar. You can't draw any lessons about what is an appropriate parent>child interaction from observing appropriate adult>adult interactions because the two sets of relationships have nothing in common. Parents SHOULD NOT treat their children exactly as they would any adult- including adults they are bosses of. That's one problem I have with "natural consequences" used in too many situations. It treats the parents>child realtionship as though it were an adult>adult relationship, which is not fair to the child. The natural consequence of running away from parents because something shiny is over there can be injury or death. Spanking is perfectly appropriate in such situations if it scares the child into avoiding behaviour whose dangerous natural consequences they have no hope of understanding until they are much older.
Leaving aside the boss analogy, I just don't understand why the parent-child relationship makes spanking ok to you. The only justification I've seen offered in this thread is because parents are legally responsible for their children. I don't understand what it is about having power over another person that makes it okay to spank them.
"Parents SHOULD NOT treat their children exactly as they would any adult- including adults they are bosses of. That's one problem I have with "natural consequences" used in too many situations. It treats the parents>child realtionship as though it were an adult>adult relationship, which is not fair to the child. The natural consequence of running away from parents because something shiny is over there can be injury or death. Spanking is perfectly appropriate in such situations if it scares the child into avoiding behaviour whose dangerous natural consequences they have no hope of understanding until they are much older."
I would never let my kids experience the natural consequences of something that is dangerous. That's when you have to be more creative. The natural consequence of running away is that you don't get the opportunity to do it again. When you spank a child, you may hope you have scared them into behaving, but if you give them the opportunity to do it again, you could be wrong. I wouldn't want to rely on fear as a deterrent when there is danger involved, especially since I do not think spanking is effective other than in the short-term.
"That's why I totally approve of spanking a child who repeatedly breaks away from a parent's grip in the parking lot, climbs up some piece of high furniture or does anything else likely to end in the hospital if not for a fear of a repeat spanking."
There is no proof that the fear of a repeat spanking will be any better a deterrent than other forms of discipline.
No one in their right mind would let their child experience the natural consequences of dangerous behavior. I think it would be equally irresponsible to place a child in a potentially dangerous situation relying on a child's fear of being spanked to deter him from making a bad choice.
The whole point of natural and logical consequences is to teach kids to make responsible decisions now as much as they are able, so that when they are making their own decisions later in potentially dangerous situations (drugs, sex, etc.), they will be able to make good choices. Spanking's not going to be any sort of deterrent then, if it even is when kids are little.
Pages