SAH/WOH - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
SAH/WOH - Why?
3166
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 7:41am

I am sure this has been done before but I was wondering this in light of recent posts lately.

Why did you decide to sah/woh?

Was it a choice or something expected of you?

Was your plan to sah/woh though out or impulsive? Long-term or short-term?

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 6:24pm
Sigh. No one allows their child to experience the natural consequence of a dangerous situation. You have to be more creative. There, the natural consequence is that if you run through the parking lot, you will be in a stroller or a cart until you can be trusted not to do that. I'd sure rather rely on that than hope that a child's fear of being spanked is going to do the trick.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 6:26pm
For some children, the punishment of not being able to do something again is too vague. Some children are very impulsive and really WILL dart into traffic or run through the parking lot if they have no fear of any reprisal stronger than...than what? That they won't get to go through a parking lot again, cross a street again? Lots of things that children do are done not for the child's entertainment (in which case that threat has some slim hope of working, if the child is old enough to get it), but because they are obliged to accompany a parent on some errand. Creativity has its place with some children. For others, they simply don't care if mom talks about not taking them to some place again. What does that even mean to a 3yo? When it comes to safety for children too young to comprehend either danger or threats of not getting to do X anymore (assuming they wanted to do X in the first place), working in the short term is just fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 6:33pm
What do you do when the stroller or cart is not an option? This is the problem that parents of multiple children often face. The baby is in a stroller, the 3yo and 5yo decide that now would be a good time to run in opposite directions through the parking lot. Restraining works sometimes, and like spanking, sometimes it doesn't. I don't think that spanking is the punishment that trumps all and must be avoided in literally every situation regardless. Sometimes too much creativity in discipline can be a bad thing. It can devolve into emotional manipulation in an attempt to mentally coerce the child into doing/not doing something when no restraints are available and a parent is convinced that spanking must be avoided at all costs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 6:48pm

"When it comes to safety for children too young to comprehend either danger or threats of not getting to do X anymore (assuming they wanted to do X in the first place), working in the short term is just fine."

If they are too young to comprehend danger or threats then how would spanking have any effect. Wouldn't they have to be able to figure out, I run into the street I get spanked, I don't run into the street I don't get spanked. If they can figure that out then wouldn't they also be able to figure out, I hold on to mommy's hand I get to walk by myself. I don't hold on to mommy's hand I have to stay in the stroller. Either they understand the cause/effect of the punishment or they don't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 6:51pm
To claim that spanking isn't abuse because it doesn't cause the same degree of harm as murder does is a pretty weak defense of spanking. Nobody would compare spanking to murder, but that doesn't make it right. One can verbally abuse a child or an adult, and no one would call that akin to murder, either. Abuse occurs on a continuum.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 7:08pm
So what do you tell your child when he spanks another child, another adult, or maybe his parents? That it's okay because it's only spanking and not hitting?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2004
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 7:15pm
Again, if spanking is so okay and nonviolent, what do you say to a kid who hits? What if he slaps another person exactly as he has been spanked, slapped, whatever you wish to call it? Do you say it's okay for his mom to spank him but not for him to spank another person? I really don't get that.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 7:26pm
Use a double stroller and a cart. Ask the checkout kid to push the cart if you can't push both. Or use a snuggli for the baby and a double stroller for the other kids. If that doesn't work, get a babysitter or do your shopping when your dh is with the kids. I wouldn't take a baby, a 3-yr-old and a 5-yr-old shopping if I didn't think I could safely manage them. It's too dangerous to rely on a child's fear of being spanked to keep him safe in a parking lot.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 7:29pm

"For some children, the punishment of not being able to do something again is too vague. Some children are very impulsive and really WILL dart into traffic or run through the parking lot if they have no fear of any reprisal stronger than...than what?"

You don't give them the opportunity to do these things until you are sure you can trust them again. That's a much safer bet than relying on fear of spanking to keep them from doing something impulsive.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 02-26-2006 - 7:32pm
Me either. I don't see how I could explain to my kids that it's okay for me to "spank" them, but they can't "spank" other kids or adults.

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