SAH/WOH - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
SAH/WOH - Why?
3166
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 7:41am

I am sure this has been done before but I was wondering this in light of recent posts lately.

Why did you decide to sah/woh?

Was it a choice or something expected of you?

Was your plan to sah/woh though out or impulsive? Long-term or short-term?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:01am
I agree. I think spanking deters the child from repeating that particular behavior in front of that particular adult. When the opportunity arises, the child will repeat that exact behavior behind the parent's back and in the hope of not getting caught.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:15am

I think it's possible that time-outs are just as humiliating as spanking. I agree with you that spanking can do lasting damage to a child's personality for the obvious reasons. But the time-out can also humiliate and damage a child's personality. It removes a child from his siblings and/or friends at home and separates him for punishment. How awful I would feel even at my age if a superior told me to stand and stare into the wall for 4 minutes when others were watching me. Why would a child be less humiliated? It just reminds me of the old days with the child in the corner at school wearing a Dunce cap.

All the active child wants to do is play. The time-out prevents that and for some children who cannot tell time just yet, 4 minutes of keeping quiet/still can be an eternity.

Plus, it's so arbitrary ~ you can't impose a time-out in a busy store or playground. It's only done at home or, worse, at school in front of friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:35am

That one made me laugh. I'd say that a lot of your list of things kids shouldn't do around other adults (or kids) won't be applicable in many cultures.

I, personally, have no issues whatsoever with either one of the kids coming out of the shower naked in someone else's house. But then they still take saunas (naked) with friends and family (children and adults)fairly regularly. Not that there is anything wrong with prefering kids to cover up at other people's houses..just that it's not necessarily a universal expectation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:38am

I actually tell my children that ~ if someone hits them ~ then they should hit the kid *back*. Then tell the teacher.

So far, my daughters have made clear they won't follow that suggestion. As for my son, there's no need for me to even tell him that, lol. But, I do think as a matter of self-defense, a child should hit back.

OK, what do you think...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:42am
Different cultures, different approaches. Swiss children are expected to walk home alone by the time they are 5. They start kindergarten at age 4 and are generally walked to school by the parents for the first year. Sometime towards the end of that year, a police officer gives a series of "street safety" lectures and the kids are supposed to start practicing walking home alone. In the second year of kindergarten, they are expected to be able to do it all the time. A friend of mine even received a reprimand from her son's teacher because she continued to meet her son at the school during that second year.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:47am
Here's the thing that I'm trying to understand, though. Is spanking the only way to stop such dangerous behaviour? What would parents who spank in those circumstances do if the law made spanking illegal? Would you expect a sudden increase in childhood deaths should spanking be made illegal? Fwiw, spanking of any kind is illegal in Sweden. I have never seen a child spanked or roughly handled in public and, so far, I haven't seen masses of children running away from parents in the parking lot. I'm assuming that most people have found other ways to keep their kids safe...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 6:59am

<> I agree. My children would feel the same. But for me, a lot of discipline is just trying to get my message across for the inevitable next time they misbehave: i.e., this is unacceptable behavior so go to your room. Sending your child to his room will send that message. Sometimes, that's all we can hope for in a long, stressful day.

I hope you re-consider spanking. I know you use it rarely, and as a last resort. Like I said, I have a friend who regularly spanks calmly, efficiently and all (I'm almost certain she doesn't read this board!) and my DD's have seen this and have resolved that she is an angry person. Isn't that sad? I know my friend well, I love her and she's fun and happy and gives her kids so much. But the child gets a very different message. Just a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:29am

She will not admit that spanking it a violent act. I spent a good bit on Friday trying to get her to tell me why it was okay to hit a child but not okay to hit an adult. The answer from her is basically, "because I'm the parent". In her mind spanking is not hitting not is it violent. I still don't understand, but I have given up on getting an answer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:35am
...in Alaska.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 7:36am

***I spent a good bit on Friday trying to get her to tell me why it was okay to hit a child but not okay to hit an adult. The answer from her is basically, "because I'm the parent".***

That is false and you know it. I suggest you go back and read my posts again. You are not telling the truth.

***I still don't understand, but I have given up on getting an answer.***

You mean getting the answer you want.

 

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