SAH/WOH - Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
SAH/WOH - Why?
3166
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 7:41am

I am sure this has been done before but I was wondering this in light of recent posts lately.

Why did you decide to sah/woh?

Was it a choice or something expected of you?

Was your plan to sah/woh though out or impulsive? Long-term or short-term?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:49pm
LOL... That would so not work here. My dh has THE LOUDEST voice. When he's talking, he's yelling. (He's actually just talking, but he's loud) My kids are quite used to loud noises.
Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:49pm

I don't use time-outs unless my kids are out of control. It's a rare occasion, but in that circumstance, they *do* need a time-out. They are not "fine" or "happy" when they are screaming and out of control. As I already explained, I don't use the kind of consequence where you make the kids sit in a chair for so many minutes because to me that isn't logically related to the behavior you are trying to correct.

It's called "natural and logical consequences." There are going to be times that you can't (or won't) be able to use the natural consequence because it's not safe or it inconveniences *you*. I'm not willing to let my kids suffer the consequence of being hit by a car. But riding in the stroller is a logical consequence that follows from taking off in a parking lot. It's related to what happened.

When you give kids choices, you don't give them choices that aren't okay with you. The child can hold your hand or ride in the stroller, but running across the street isn't okay. If that seems artificial to you, that's fine.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:55pm

My kids are pretty normal kids. They always liked going to the store because they got to ride the horse and have a cookie if the shopping trip went well. I also didn't have any problem picking either of them up when they were three, so I wouldn't have had the problem you had with Joey.

My experience has been that what works with one kid doesn't always work with another, so if one approach doesn't work, I try something different--usually a different consequence, since that is the method I prefer. If that doesn't work, I try something else or use consequences in conjunction with something else, such as positive reinforcement. I've used time-outs in extreme situations. But I don't spank.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:56pm
Just out of curiosity, have your girls ever been physically violent with each other?

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Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:57pm
It's illegal in Sweden? See, it is a kinder and gentler place.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:57pm

That is upsetting to me. Spanking is the province of the low-quality, abusive, overwhelmed and inexperienced dc provider. Not the nanny allegedly paid high wages because she's purportedly up there with the best of the best, at the top of her game.

Surely, even the middling dc provider has some tricks to handle 1 or 2 precious, likable and agreeable young boys without hitting them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 12:59pm
It's not dangerous. Most newer infant seats have a slot specifically for fitting on a grocery cart.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 1:00pm

The same thing I did when my 2.5 yr-old wandered away in the mall. She would be in the stroller or cart until I could trust her not to do that again.

I don't exactly think of it as "punishment" though.

Avatar for mom34101
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 1:05pm
Maybe so. As I already said, I don't use the kind of time-outs when kids have to sit in a chair for so many minutes (facing a wall?? I've never heard of this), because they don't seem to me to have any logical relationship to the misbehavior. The only time I have used time-outs is when my kids are screaming and out of control, which has happened *very* few times. Even in that case, it is not a punishment for them to go to their rooms until they calm down. They don't have to be quiet or sit still, and they like their rooms, which are full of books and toys. That's what time-out means to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 1:05pm

<>

How so? How does it just happen?

That smacks of NBA "stars" Sprewell and Sammy Cassell's I-didn't-punch-him. He-ran-into-my-fist, Ref.

You were pretty clear earlier to Snoopyme that spanking is abusive. Now, you're watering it all down. Can you explain why it's OK in the world of one poster, but not OK where Snoopyme is concerned? Just curious...

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